{"id":5748,"date":"2013-04-30T08:00:39","date_gmt":"2013-04-30T12:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/?p=5748"},"modified":"2013-07-05T18:22:27","modified_gmt":"2013-07-05T22:22:27","slug":"things-i-never-thought-id-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/?p=5748","title":{"rendered":"Things I Never Thought I&#8217;d Say"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Dear Kids,<\/p>\n<p>You arrived in this world as blank slates, so you&#8217;ve had to learn <em>everything<\/em>. And we&#8217;ve had to teach it to you. And since you grew out of your baby phases and started walking and talking, we&#8217;ve had to say things to you that we never thought we&#8217;d say to other human beings. Here is a selection.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Give me that booger!<\/li>\n<li>Stop banging your head on the wall!<\/li>\n<li>Get off your sandwich!<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t lick the lid of the mayonnaise jar!<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t touch the cat puke!<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t eat your poop!<\/li>\n<li>Stop squashing your sister!<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t drink the bath water!<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t stick your head in the toilet!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>And if you think any of that&#8217;s embarrassing, remind me someday to tell you the story of the morning we found you both bathing in the toilet.<\/p>\n<p>Love,<\/p>\n<p>Mom<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dear Kids, You arrived in this world as blank slates, so you&#8217;ve had to learn everything. And we&#8217;ve had to teach it to you. And since you grew out of your baby phases and started walking and talking, we&#8217;ve had &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/?p=5748\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[348,243],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5748"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5748"}],"version-history":[{"count":19,"href":"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5748\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7965,"href":"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5748\/revisions\/7965"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5748"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5748"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bluefootedmusings.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5748"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}