Smoky Days

The smoke from the Canadian wildfires became a problem here again last week. Poor air quality plus extreme heat has certainly made athletic training more difficult this summer, confining our activities to late in the day and sometimes making them a no-go. On one day that I took Livia for her run at the park, I started to feel short of breath just from walking. By the time we returned home, my voice was scratchy and my lung congested.

The air quality had been rated merely “moderate.” Knowing that Marshall was more sensitive to air quality problems than the average person, I’d left him at home, but I hadn’t realized how much the smoke would bother me (Livia claimed to be unaffected). The hazy, orange moon was a sight worth seeing, though.

BTW, I know that a mask would filter out some of the fine particulate in the air, but wearing a mask also makes me feel short of breath. So I probably wouldn’t wear a mask unless the air quality were rated “unhealthy” or worse, and if it were that bad, I wouldn’t leave the house unless I had to. Livia flat-out rejected the notion of wearing a mask when I suggested that she might use one.

For now, the air quality has returned to normal. Let’s hope it stays that way for a long time.

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Outside in the Middle of the Day

The sweet pepperbush’s season is all but over. I can no longer smell its fragrance on the air, and most of its flowers have turned brown. A few clovers linger in the front yard and the bees still visit, one by one. Our sole Queen Anne’s lace abounds in fancy white blooms. In the back yard, a feast of tiny dewberries awaits. More asters and goldenrods bloom by the day–summer is passing, ticktock! As I stand on the driveway, a dragonfly lands on my bare foot. It makes a lovely ornament, and it’s the same wine-red as my sweatshirt. Oh, how fashionable am I!

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Mental Vacation Over

I had decided to take the entire summer off from music composition lessons, because I was feeling worn out from work and lack of sleep. Meanwhile, Livia had expressed interest in taking piano lessons, and I thought, “Why not give her my time slot with the teacher? Then I’ll have my vacation, she’ll get some lessons, and the teacher will get paid for the summer. Win, win, win!”

Yeah, no. It’s always the perfect-sounding solutions that turn out worst. Livia hated the lessons and wanted to quit. I could have forced her to continue going, but it didn’t seem worth the fight. I also knew that my teacher had noticed she wasn’t happy (he’d mentioned it to me on the phone), and it occurred to me that she might not be the only one uncomfortable with the situation. Who wants to teach a student who’s clearly miserable? So I let them both off the hook.

Because the plan had been for her to take lessons for the whole summer, I felt obligated to pay him for the entirety. Then, having paid him, the obvious thing to do was to use the lesson time for myself. Only I hadn’t done any composition for weeks or even played the piano. Yikes! I took Friday off from work and hastily composed a few lines of music, just enough to base a lesson on. He liked what I’d composed, and we had a good lesson, but I already miss my mental vacation.

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Ugh, Cleaning

This morning I had to get out of bed earlier than usual to clean the downstairs bathroom. Cleaning is unfortunately necessary when we’re about to have company (in this case, one of Livia’s friends). In a way, I hate having company for that reason. In another way, I’m grateful for company, because it forces me to do sooner what I have to do eventually anyway. In any event, Livia had a fantastic time with her friend, which was all that really mattered for today.

P.S. I’d been putting off cleaning the bathroom because it’s such an awful job. But I’d done a lot of cleaning and decluttering in other parts of the downstairs while procrastinating on the bathroom. That’s proof that procrastination can be a good thing, right?

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Good-Bye, Glasses

My glasses broke the other night. That was upsetting. I need glasses to see well, of course, which was the main issue. But it was also annoying, because 1) I’d known they were in bad shape and had planned to get a new pair before this one bit the dust, but failed, darnit; and 2) I’d recently thrown away all my contact lenses because they were expired; though I might ultimately have chosen not to take the risk of using them (only a small risk, theoretically, as long as they were disinfected with new solution), I would have liked to have had the option. I am kicking myself for having thrown them away at exactly the wrong time. (Decluttering is great but sometimes ends poorly.)

My husband glued the frames back together. That held for one night, then the glue started to give. He reglued them and added some tape. That seemed to do the trick. They are holding together now, but the tape keeps partially unraveling and irritating my skin. So, until I get new glasses, I’ve decided to use that pair only for driving. Otherwise, I’m going glasses-free, which is fine most of the time, or wearing an older pair that still corrects my vision fairly well.

My plan is to get a cheap pair of glasses to see me through the next few months. Then, after my next visit to the eye doctor, I’ll buy a proper pair with all the bells and whistles. I’m actually looking forward to it, even though I hate having to spend the money. I’ve had the same glasses for a long time, and I deserve a new pair!

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A Habit

Every day my web browser offers me a selection of “thought-provoking articles.” I’m a total sucker for them. This morning I opened articles with the following titles:

  • Remarkable News in Potatoes
  • Scientists Found Sticky Goo Inside a 2,500-Year-Old Jar. Seventy Years Later, They Finally Know What It Is
  • Offering women a cash bonus isn’t the way to boost birth rates
  • The Enormous Heat Pumps Warming Cities
  • The True Story Behind Chief of War, Jason Momoa’s Hawaiian History Epic
  • The labor market is showing big cracks that were invisible just weeks ago
  • The Secret to Hibernation Is Hidden in Human DNA and We Might One Day Activate It
  • Why Do People Faint?

Reading articles like these is not necessarily the best use of my time, but I like learning about so many different things.

P.S. In case you were wondering about the remarkable news in potatoes, it’s that scientists have discovered that potatoes evolved from tomatoes.

P.P.S. I agree with the article about cash bonuses for babies, and I would add this downside: there would be some men who would take advantage of the baby-bonus system in various malicious ways, including the most obvious way, which would be to stay with the woman long enough to get their hands on the money, then scarper off with it. Actually, when I consider how women’s rights are being restricted in some places and how access to birth control is in jeopardy, baby bonuses sound terrifying rather than helpful, practically an invitation for men to behave badly toward women.

P.P.P.S. Human hibernation sounds awesome. Sign me up!

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Trying Something Different

This is what happens when I sign up for daily or weekly e-mail subscriptions: I don’t read the e-mails, so they pile up in my in-box. When they accumulate into a daunting mass, I delete them. Right up until that moment when I finally let them go, I feel bad about ignoring them. Deleting them brings one last moment of regret, followed by relief that the obligation is gone.

Even though I know this, I keep signing up for these things, but I usually face reality quicker and delete the e-mails before they become an issue. Still, it took me months to pull the trigger on this year’s round of Dracula Daily, and I’ve got probably 30 poem-a-day e-mails cluttering up my in-box right now.

I should unsubscribe, but I probably won’t for a while. Next year Dracula Daily will start again, and who knows? Maybe I’ll finally read it (I won’t, but the aspiration refuses to die, and if I’m honest, I don’t want it to die). As for the poem-a-day e-mails massing in my in-box, most of them will soon be sent to the digital void unread.

But all e-mails end up in the void eventually, and though it would be nice to read them first, I realize that I can’t read everything that might interest me. Some of it (most of it!) has to pass me by, and I accept that. I also accept that I’m probably going to keep following this same ridiculous pattern for the rest of my life. But, for a change, I’m going to try not feeling bad about it.

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Signs

There are still some clovers blooming in the front yard, but what has the bees all abuzz at the moment is the sweet pepperbush. You can smell it as soon as you step outside. It’s such a wonderful fragrance, and I wish as always that I could somehow bottle it. Also seen outside are the dewberries finally ripening and dragonflies zipping around everywhere.

All of these speak to the advance of the season, but what startled me today, as I was walking down to the mailbox, was that the asters have started to bloom. Just a few. But each day will bring more, and soon they’ll reach their peak, and then we will know that summer’s end is just around the corner.

OMG, how has the time gone so fast?

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Taking Steps

Earlier this year I started walking regularly again as part of my crusade to get better sleep. I set the daily minimum at four driveway laps (half a mile). It doesn’t sound like a lot, but it was difficult for me. It seemed to take forever, it left me physically drained, and it never seemed to get any easier. It was also murder on my bad knee. I was always limping by the last lap.

Maybe a normal reaction would have been to quit, but I doubled down instead and set the minimum to eight laps. And it worked. Eight laps was enough to start moving the fitness needle. The walk got easier and started to feel less onerous. I had a little more “pep in my step.” My knee hurt me no more at the eighth lap than it had at the fourth.

I was measuring my walks in laps or miles, but many people talk about walking in terms of steps. They say one ought to strive to take 10,000 steps per day. That seemed like an arbitrary number, but I read up on it and realized it wasn’t entirely arbitrary. Apparently anything less than 5,000 is considered to be sedentary. I was surprised by that, until I wore my pedometer all day to test how many steps I was getting. My total for that day was 7,000, give or take. Of those, 2,400 were from my daily walk, meaning that the remaining 4,600 were just steps I’d taken while moving around the house. I can hardly believe that I walked almost two miles in my own home, just going about my daily business. That explains anything less than 5,000 is “sedentary,” because you can walk that much without even leaving the house.

Months down the road, now Livia has started training for cross country, and I’ve been taking her to the local park so that she has room to run. While she’s running, I walk. I wear my pedometer so that I can keep track of my distance. I’ve been walking at least a mile every night, sometimes two. On those days when I walk two miles, I may be getting close to the recommended 10,000 steps per day.

Since I started walking again I’ve lost weight, about 6-7 pounds. Every pound you lose is equal to five pounds of force on your knees, it’s said. Between that and the presumed muscle gain in my legs, my bad knee bothers me less. Now it hurts only after long walks rather than all the time. That’s a big improvement.

So I’m going to keep walking. Walking laps. Walking miles. Walking steps. However I may count it, it all counts.

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Love Lost

It’s summertime, and I used to love summer, but now I’m starting to loathe it.

  • It’s too warm during the day to want to go outside, and the heat, whether average or excessive, is a constant reminder of global warming. We’ve already had two or three heatwaves this summer. During a heatwave we can’t even enjoy the outdoors at night or sleep without the AC.
  • Ticks and mosquitoes. They’re everywhere. You can’t step in a patch of grass or brush against a plant without wondering if you now have a tick crawling on you. That’s not paranoia. It’s just the way things are. And the mosquitoes are always lurking. Sometimes they linger around our front and back doors, which makes it easy for them to sneak inside, and I always wonder how they know to be there. They can’t know what doors are (portals to the inside of a home, where tasty human meals await), so what makes doors so attractive from a mosquito’s point of view?
  • The kids are home all the time, while I have to work and can’t spend much time with them. This summer is particularly bad in that respect, because my employers stuck me with an unforgiving schedule that makes taking vacation time nearly impossible. I’ve had to work longer-than-usual days just to keep up.
  • There’s hardly anywhere interesting to go where there aren’t too many people. Ever since that awful trip to the renaissance faire (when we had to wait forever for food and Livia literally passed out while standing in line), I’ve been leery of taking the kids anywhere. Everything has gotten super expensive, too. So I guess it’s fine that I have no time for it anyway.
  • Summer is when our health, home, and auto insurance plans all renew, and the premiums always increase and/or we lose benefits. Health insurance is the worst. It’s evil, and a scam, and every July at renewal time I want to scream. This year we’re losing out-of-network coverage, which is scary. If we should have an emergency and need to go to an out-of-network provider, we will have to pay 100% out of pocket and it will not count toward our deductible. The alternative was to pay an extra $3,000 per year up-front to get a paltry 50% out-of-network coverage. That didn’t seem like a good bet, but a gamble is exactly what this is, and who knows how it will play out? Our home and auto renewal package arrived in the mail a couple of days ago. I haven’t had the courage to open it yet.

There are still some great things about summer–sunset walks, dragonflies and hummingbirds, wildflowers, grilled food–but it gets harder to enjoy them.

I hope it won’t always be like this.

I hope someday I’ll be able to love summer again.

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