Blue-Footed Musings

The bombshell finally dropped at work. The company is offering severance packages to anyone in my department who volunteers to leave. The offer is one week’s pay per year of tenure, up to 26 weeks. It’s not a very good offer for newer hires, but 26 week’s pay would be pretty generous, which suggests to me that it’s the long-term employees, such as myself, that they’re hoping to unload. The scary part is that if they don’t get enough volunteers, they’re going to stop asking and start axing.

My knee-jerk reaction is to hold on and hope for the best. I’m a good employee, and they’d be stupid to let me go. But, I wish I knew how many people they’re going to cut, how they’ll decide, and how much severance pay will be given to those forced out. Obviously I’d rather leave of my own accord with a half a year’s salary in my pocket than be kicked to the curb with less. So, I’m not 100% decided yet. I will be giving it a lot of serious thought over the next couple of weeks.

P.S. I’d like to remind the Evil Genies AGAIN that when I said I was bored with my job, I also CLEARLY stated that I didn’t want to be forced out of it.

P.P.S. I should start looking for a new job, or at least start looking into how to look for a new job. But I don’t wanna. 🙁

• Livia can solve the Rubik’s Cube, and I’m impressed. She tried to explain how, but I didn’t get it. Rubik’s Cube is a puzzle that I’m never going to be able to solve, and I accepted that long ago, back when I was younger than Livia is now.
• The kids’ swim lesson was canceled this week due to the weather. The sound of thunder could be heard in the distance, and indoor pools, like outdoor pools, get closed when there’s any chance of lightning. Their swim instructor, who is apparently a paleontologist with multiple degrees, had promised to give his students megalodon teeth to reward their progress. He kept his promise, handing each kid a giant shark tooth as we left. He said he had found the teeth himself in North (or was it South?) Carolina. Very cool!
• Today I had a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon. I was so keen to spend time with the kids that I convinced them to keep me company for the trip there and back by offering to get us all an early dinner at McDonalds. Marshall said yes. Livia had to be coerced. To make it up to her, I let her get a McFlurry, and then I had to let Marshall get one, too, so everyone got something special out of the deal.
• At work, there have been no new layoffs so far. Whew! And I was right about the systemic problem that I found in my work project: it had happened before. I’m just the only one who noticed. Not surprising. Still no word yet on whether I’ll have to start over again from scratch, though.

Somehow, though it’s not my favorite book or film genre, I’ve been on a bit of a horror kick lately.

• The other night I watched a French shark-attack film called Under Paris (originally titled Sous la Seine). I’ve seen my share of shark films (Jaws, Deep Blue Sea, The Meg, and probably a few others that were forgettable). This one fared well in comparison. Story: a scientist tags a shark and monitors it until it unexpectedly turns violent and kills her whole team. Later, the signal from the tag is discovered in the Seine river in Paris. What is a marine animal doing in a fresh water river? Though still struggling emotionally with that grisly event in her past, the scientist joins forces with the police to find the shark before it hurts anyone else. The film had just the right amount of ridiculousness, it escalated perfectly, and it had a spectacular climax, not to mention that it was in French (subtitled, not dubbed). I loved it.
• After the shark film, I starting watching Stranger Things on Netflix. I’m late to this particular party, I know, but whatever. I do things when I want to, not when the rest of the world thinks I should.
• I also recently read a Southern Gothic by T. Kingfisher called A House With Good Bones. I struggled with the book at first. The author’s descriptions were confusing me. But, since I had preordered the book as a way of showing support for the author, whom I follow on Twitter, I felt a strong compulsion to finish it. With perseverance, I got past the communication issues, letting the story wash over me without focusing too much on certain details. There wasn’t much to the story: entomologist Sam Montgomery is temporarily out of work and goes to live with her mom in her grandmother’s old house. The mom is behaving strangely, as if terrified, and weird things are happening around the house, all seemingly linked to something dark and mysterious in the past. I’m not not sure that I love it as a horror story, but the main character keeps up an entertaining patter of bug trivia mixed with amusing observations on life (“snarky mundanity,” one blurbist called it). The book is worth reading for that alone.

P.S. I liked the phrase “snarky mundanity,” so I looked up the author who had used it in his blurb for A House With Good Bones. His name was Travis Baldree. I figured that if he’d written anything that sounded interesting, I’d consider seeking it out. As it turns out, I need look no further than my own bookshelf. A friend gave me a copy of his book Legends & Lattes as a gift. It’s just sitting there, waiting to be read. How serendipitous!

• This morning Livia and I did a bunch of online puzzles together. We started with the NYT’s Strands and Connections, followed by the Wordle, which we got in 2. Then we played the Octordle and the Quordle in their several variations (daily, sequence, rescue), and beat them all. We agreed that it’s more fun to play the puzzles together and that we play better that way, too.
• Speaking of the NYT, I recently canceled my subscription because they pissed me off. The anti-Biden stuff had already been getting on my nerves, but it was an opinion piece called “Why I Won’t Vote” that drove me over the edge. I think newspapers should publish diverse opinions, and I accept that I won’t agree with them all. But, there are some opinions that don’t deserve to see the light of day and that most certainly do not belong in the nation’s premier newspaper. This was one. It’s antidemocratic to suggest that people not vote. It’s also absolutely perilous in this election given what’s at stake, and especially because it’s politically biased in favor of Republicans, who will, as a campaign tactic, do anything they can to prevent people from voting. So, come July 20th, when my subscription officially ends, I’ll have to learn to live without the puzzles that are behind the paywall, including my beloved Spelling Bee, or else turn back to the NYT like a spineless loser.
• And as for Biden, who is showing his age and who will not likely last another four years as president, I’m infuriated with him and everyone around him. He had more than three years to step down and install Harris as president. Having not done so, he could have let us choose a new candidate for this presidential race. But he did not, and now we are facing the results of his bad decisions. It’s like RBG all over again. That said, it’s too late to change candidates. We can’t risk ballot problems in any state. Meanwhile Republicans already have their lawsuits planned. There’s also no Dem who’s the clear choice to succeed him. So we are stuck. The thing is, Biden can win. He still has a lot of support. But unless the media and the donors and the movie stars and the other powerful Dems stop trying to tear him down and start building him up instead, they’re going to ensure his defeat. Biden’s job now is to hold out until Election Day. His family and staff’s job now is to limit his exposure and pamper the hell out of him during his downtime. Our job is to support him. Let’s all get down to doing our jobs.
• My husband reminded me not to spend all day on the computer today. Ooops. But technically is hasn’t been all day yet. There’s still time to go do something else. Livia just offered me the chance to work with her on creating a new family board game. So now I’m going to stop worrying about politics and go make some fun!

I’ve been having a rough week at work. Yesterday I pointed out to my boss that, through no fault of mine, there was a massive flaw in the computer-generated project I was working on. She forwarded the info to her boss, and his reply was that we’re probably going to have to dump what’s been done so far and start again fresh. Ugh.

Funny thing is, they reacted like, “Oh, no! Suddenly the computer if malfunctioning!” But it might have been working that way for a while, only nobody else bothered to look into it. And in situations like this, I’m never quite sure if I’m the good guy or the bad guy. I mean, I hate being the nit-picker. And sometimes I think that maybe things would be better for everyone if I just quietly did my work without worrying too much about doing it right. Other people do that, and they get away with it. But not me. I keep finding problems and making more work for everyone, myself included, because I don’t know how not to.

My boss had been on vacation for two weeks, but she finally returned Monday. This could have been a cause for celebration, because she’s a great boss and she usually has all the answers. But, the first e-mail she sent upon her return was a notification that three people in another department had been laid off while she was gone.

This sounded really scary, my coworker and I agreed over IM. These were long-term and reliable (as far as we knew) employees. There was no reason to let them go except as a cost-cutting strategy. We wondered if our department might be next. My coworker audaciously e-mailed our boss, asking, “Are jobs in our department on the line?” Her reply: “I don’t know.”

So we continued to speculate. We both feel that the groundwork has already been laid for downsizing our department. There’s been a huge push to use recycled material, which requires less time to edit and fewer people to handle the supply chain. Today, we got notice that six projects per year are going to be cut from our department. That confirmed it for us. That’s just a touch more than one editor’s yearly work. They tried to pass this change off as freeing time for us to work on “special projects,” but A) We don’t have that many special projects, and B) The largest special project involves beefing up a database that could later be used to eliminate yet more workers.

My theory is that we’re going to lose two editors: one from my department, one from neighboring Acquisitions. My coworker thinks three, divided in some way between the two departments. Whatever the plan is, I expect it will be revealed soon. There’s no reason for the company to draw this out. So, at least we probably won’t have to wait long to get the dreaded news.

Though my coworker and I doubt we’d be the ones on the chopping block, we can’t be sure. We are among the most highly paid, by virtue of having been there the longest (we will both hit our 30th work anniversary next year). And we are both terrifyingly aware that by staying in one job so long we have effectively put all our eggs in one basket. The idea of having to get a new job is almost inconceivable to us. My coworker said, “I got this job by answering an ad in the newspaper. Nobody does that anymore. It’s a whole different game now!” Tell me about it.

So, whatever the outcome, this episode has made us sad and wary. Working all these years for a family-owned company, we’ve been insulated from so much of the nasty stuff that happens at other places. Now our trust has been broken. Money is money, and right now, like it our not, our worth is being evaluated in strictly monetary terms. So now might be a good time to mention that I specifically said in a previous post that while I might be bored with my job, I do not want any Evil Genies forcing me into something new. That still stands!

• After a few weeks of sleeping in most mornings, I’m starting to feel more like myself again. Emotionally I’m doing a lot better, not constantly on the edge of tears (though that new work laptop sure was pushing me in that direction!). Mentally, I’m not quite back to where I was, but I’m hopeful that more sleep, plus more exercise, will help. Physically, I’m in rough shape, and now is the time to fix it. I’ve inquired about the free personal training session that my YMCA membership supposedly entitles me to. Waiting to hear back…
• One of the expressions I use occasionally is “What the ever-loving Hell!” After using that expression today, I thought to myself, “Just what about Hell could be described as ‘ever-loving’?” I have no answer to that question. Hell is not known for its loving.
• Fireworks are great, but I think there’s a limit to how late one ought to use them. It was bad enough that people hereabouts were still lighting them off around 12:30 last night. But when I heard more fireworks at 2:00 a.m., that pissed me off. The holiday, which had been well-celebrated, was over, and it was past time to quiet down.
• Speaking of great fireworks, the town’s firework show was awesome this year–best grand finale I’ve ever seen in a local show.

• Thunderstorms tore through town one night last week, knocking out our electricity. With neither fan nor AC, the bedroom was hot, and sleep was nearly impossible. The next morning found me sad and grumpy, up early because I couldn’t sleep, attempting to work in the little patch of light coming through my office window, trying to be quiet because Livia was sleeping in my office (her bedroom had been WAY too hot for sleep), and having neither eaten nor had my usual morning beverage, because I couldn’t use the toaster, or the microwave, or the electric kettle, and because I didn’t want to open the refrigerator, which hadn’t run for hours. In this modern world, living without electricity is a challenge (and apparently causes run-on sentences). When the power finally came back on, at about 9:00 a.m., I was incredibly grateful.
• I got a new work computer last week, not because I wanted one, but because the old one had worn itself out. Many of the company’s programs don’t work on the new operating system, so everything’s jury-rigged in an attempt to replicate the old functionality. I’ve been trying to sort it all out since the new laptop arrived on Thursday, and I’m sorry to report that it’s already brought me to the edge of tears several times. A lot of things just plain don’t function as they’re supposed to. And very little works like it used to, which is hard to adjust to when you’ve been doing things the same particular way for nearly 30 years. Now everything my “autopilot” knows is wrong, and it’s crippling. The work I did on Friday would have taken half as much time on my old laptop.
• I had my annual physical not too long ago. I wore a mask while I was there, my theory being that the doctor’s office is where all the germs are. At the front desk, they asked about the mask, wondering if I knew that masks were no longer mandatory. And then a nurse asked me about it, too, wondering if I was wearing the mask because I was sick. The questions surprised me. At the doctor’s office, I would have thought masking was still normal enough to go without comment.

• I worry sometimes that if I say (or write) something that sounds wishful, then that “wish” might be granted to me, but in the most awful way, as if by an Evil Genie. To forestall such an event, I often add caveats to the things I say. You can see it in my post from the other day. After writing that I was sick of my job, I clarified that I didn’t want to lose my job. This is a form of superstition, similar to “knock on wood,” and I ought to be above it. But I’m not.
• I’m still happily reading Watchers. It’s well-written in some respects (great metaphors, beefy verbs, not a lame adverb in sight). But, like so many older books, it has things in it that are cringe-worthy by today’s standards, as well as things so dated that they’d hardly make sense to younger readers. Isn’t it funny how some books can last hundreds of years and others can barely eke out a few decades?
• There is a woman who has a piano lesson immediately following my music lesson. She had a mountain-climbing accident a few weeks ago in which she hurt her arm and hand. Last Tuesday was her first time back since the accident, and we chatted briefly as I was on my way out and she on her way in. She’s bummed because she used to be able to do 100 push-ups per day before the accident, but now she can’t do a single one. She says she’s not healing as fast as she used to, and she wonders if it’s because she’s over 60. That floored me. I can’t do a single push-up either, not because I’m over 60 or because my bones are healing, but because I’m weak. I’m not sure I’ve ever been able to do a full-fledged push-up. I’ve never been able to do more than a handful of the modified ones either. Damn, but she makes me question some of my life choices!