I kid you not when I say that by the end of the last school year I was starting to get very worried about the state of my brain. After nearly two years of early waking plus trouble sleeping (thanks, Menopause), I was in bad shape. It was awful enough being tired all the time, which is a unique form of torture that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. But then I started to have some serious problems with language. I didn’t merely struggle to find the words for things, but also sometimes used the wrong words (with or without noticing), and sometimes I could barely get the words out, like my mouth and brain just would not cooperate. My memory was also suffering. Not only was I having trouble learning new things, but a few times I actually forget what I’d been told minutes before.
I knew those were signs of dementia. Then I read an article about how sleep deprivation is thought to play a role in some forms of dementia, and that scared the crap out of me. So I started trying really hard to prioritize sleep. I went to bed earlier, exercised more, etc. But I was still struggling.
Now that it’s summer, and I don’t have to get up early, I’m starting to feel better. It’s wonderful not having to fight against my chronotype. I can go to bed when I feel tired and sleep as long as my body will let me. I’m not totally back to normal, but I feel like I have more mental energy, my memory is bouncing back, and the language lapses happen less often.
I have also started dreaming again, which suggests that I’m actually getting the deep sleep that is so vital for brain health. True, I can’t be sure that I had stopped dreaming before, but I had certainly stopped recalling any dreams. Lately I seem to remember one every few days or so. Even when they’re upsetting, as dreams sometimes are, I’m thrilled to have had them, because dreaming is healthy.
Sleep has to continue to be a top priority for me, so I’ve decided that when the new school year starts, the kids will have to mange on their own in the morning. They’re both in high school now and old enough to take care of themselves. I’ll help them out for the first few days, until they get their routine down. After that, they can wake me in the morning if they need me, but I hope that won’t happen often.
It’s possible that my language and memory problems have gone mostly unnoticed by others. That’s how it usually goes. When people have these sorts of problems, they compensate, and it’s not until they can’t adequately compensate anymore that others become aware. So if you’re reading this, please take note. I’m probably OK. Most likely it was just sleep deprivation. But if you notice me using the wrong word (I mean really clearly wrong) or forgetting something you just told me, don’t let it slide. Tell me.