Pregnancy has changed me from head to toe.
Chin: Or should I say chins? I think my chin had her own little pregnancy and gave birth to a clone of herself.
Back: I miss being on my back. Maybe that makes me sound like an ex-prostitute, but seriously, the best way to sleep is on your back. If you lie on your stomach, your face is smooshed against the mattress and you can’t breathe. On your side, there’s always the struggle to comfortably arrange your arms. Ironically, babies should be put to sleep on their backs, and the campaign for that is called “Back to sleep,” but it’s carrying a baby that makes the mommy unable to go “back to sleep” herself. (As to why a pregnant woman should avoid sleeping on her back, it’s because all that pregnancy weight ends up resting on her intestines, circulatory system, and spine. This leads to all sorts of badness, including hemorrhoids, reduced circulation, pain, and snoring.)
Breasts: At last, I have cleavage! The downside, and I mean downside, is that what is cleavage in a push-up bra is sag without the bra.
Belly button: Back when there were mysterious, dark, unexplored parts to my belly button, I secretly believed it was a tunnel that led someplace strange—an alternate reality, an abstraction, or perhaps just my stomach. Now that it’s turned completely inside-out, I know it goes nowhere. Nowhere!
Thighs: My thighs have always been close, but now they’re downright intimate. Will it ruin their friendship? Will they begin to chafe against one another?
Feet: I have gained a size and a half in shoes since my pre-Marshall days. I now have to avoid walking in the woods lest I be mistaken for a Sasquatch and shot.
I did not mention the most obvious change to my body—the belly. It’s huge! But it’s also cute, as will be the baby when she arrives in January. Seeing her will make all of these changes worthwhile.