Yesterday I defriended someone on Facebook. I’ve been defriended a couple of times myself, and even though I didn’t care much for the people who defriended me, it still hurt in some small way. I therefore never thought I’d do the same thing to someone else. But that was before the Cake Lady.
The Cake Lady is a woman who owns a local store. She sells candy, candy-making supplies, and wedding cakes. I discovered her store shortly after moving to Rhode Island, and I loved it. My husband and I bought our wedding cake from the Cake Lady because we wanted to support a local business, we liked the price, and most importantly, we thought the sample cake was tasty. We were quite pleased with our wedding cake and we would have recommended her store to anyone in a heartbeat.
Somehow, in the process of following the Cake Lady’s business on Facebook, I ended up on her list of personal friends. I thought it strange that she friended me, but I welcomed the possibility that we might become friends in the real world. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with a cake lady?
However, her personal posts soon showed that there was a radical difference between her business persona (very nice, sweet even—fitting for a purveyor of sweets) and her Facebook character (not so nice). I should have removed her posts from my news feed as soon as I noticed how mean she was, but I didn’t, and eventually one of her posts so rubbed me the wrong way that I had to comment. Her reactions to my comments proved how little she and I have in common and how unlikely it is that I’d ever want to spend time with her in person. That’s when I defriended her. I was so irritated that I didn’t want any connection, however small, with her.
You see, the Cake Lady likes to post about her politics, and her politics are mean. She belongs to that group of conservatives who engage in hate-mongering and pointing the finger of blame at anyone who is unlike themselves (liberals, gays, welfare recipients, illegal aliens, etc.). These conservatives get riled up over news stories that have been deliberately twisted specifically for that purpose. They are so angry they’ll listen to anyone who tells them their anger is justified. They steer clear of most mainstream news outlets because they’ve been told that the mainstream media have a “liberal agenda.” Getting their news from conservative sources only, they’re never challenged to question any facts or figures or opinions they hear.
Armed with “talking points” and catchphrases they try to convert others. They spread their hatred far and wide. They angrily shout down anyone who dares to disagree with them.
It’s painful to listen to their diatribes. It’s not even that there’s never any truth in their rants, but what little truth there is has been twisted into something so large and hideous that there’s no room left in their world for sympathy, discussion, or compromise. They see everyone who doesn’t talk and think exactly the same way as an enemy.
I am reminded of my personal adage from the other day: never discuss politics with strangers. Other people would do well to follow that advice, too. Had the Cake Lady kept her personal life and business separate, I wouldn’t be writing this post now.
And I have another wise-bit for her: always be pleasant. It costs one nothing to be tactful. Had she phrased her concerns about certain issues in less hateful ways, then perhaps we could have had a real discussion about our differences of opinion. Instead, we have total separation, a small rift that is just a reflection of the larger rift growing between the citizens of this country.
I believe that if we all were to leave behind the language of hate, search for common ground, and treat everyone with respect, we could bridge the distance between our differing opinions. I hope for that day, but in the meantime I refuse to let toxic attitudes poison my personal life. If that means I have to defriend someone, so be it. Sadly, I won’t be shopping at the Cake Lady’s store any time soon.
For my part, I will continue my efforts to avoid talking about politics with strangers. I will also try not to let other peoples’ anger get me angry, too. I apologize for the edge on the joke from my wise-bit post. It’s not right to imply that that every person who listens to those particular media personalities is stupid and uncivilized. I think that in many cases they are being manipulated, but that’s not the same thing. You don’t have to be stupid to be manipulated.
And that’s all I have to say about that. TAHA.