Gone Without a Trace

A Rhode Island man has been missing since Thursday.

“The last time I spoke to him, he said he was going to take a shower and meet up with me for dinner,” says his fiancée. “When he didn’t make it on time, I wasn’t worried because, well, to be honest, he’s late all the time. It wasn’t until I got home that I started to worry, because he wasn’t there, but his car, phone, and wallet were. He wouldn’t go anywhere without his phone.”

Investigators on the scene say they found nothing unusual except in the bathroom, where they discovered large masses of hair on the shelf in the shower. One detective described them as being “kinda like tribbles, but extra hungry lookin’.”

Family members of the missing man made an impassioned plea to the public. “Please, if you have any information about his whereabouts, call the police immediately. He’s a part of our family and we need him. Who else can we get to fix our computers for free?”

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