You Have to Look

The deadline for NaNoWriMo came and went. How did I fare? Not nearly as well as I had hoped. I stalled at about 17K. Worse yet, once I officially gave up on trying to reach 50K, I lost all motivation to write every day.

I’m trying to find motivation now. But, just as it would be hard to force oneself to stumble around in the dark without the guarantee of finding something valuable, so is it hard to write when you don’t know where the story is going. I’ve had to force myself to concentrate on small details and hope that it pushes me along somehow.

Sometimes it works. The other night I asked myself about how a certain fictional creation would smell. I got 900 words, a new character, and several potential plot directions out of that. I had gone into it without any hope or direction. It wasn’t fun. It was difficult.

“Oh, boo-hoo!” says the archaeologist who spends long days brushing sand away grain by grain on the off-chance that they might find buried treasure. “Go tell your sob story to the scorpions and the heat stroke!”

Please disregard the cranky archaeologist.

The point is that, as every archaeologist knows, if you want to find something, you have to look. I’ve said this before in other words and other contexts (e.g., Seek and You Shall Find). It bears repeating.

You have to look!

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Today’s Thought

Noticing is the first step toward knowing.

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Things Done and Things Yet to Do

I’m thrilled to be able to say that I’ve already gotten some of my Christmas tasks done. Shutterfly offered me free holiday address labels a couple of weeks ago, so I ordered them and they arrived last week. Yesterday I ordered personalized ornaments for the kids and my niece. I’m always glad to have that task finished, since if I wait too long the shipping times become an issue. The Advent calendar is another task that can’t wait, so today I made a rough plan for it and designed most of the tickets that will go into it. But what makes my progress extra impressive is that I’ve already purchased three major gifts (i.e., crossed three people off my shopping list) as well as several small gifts for the kids.

This week’s goals:

  1. Finish and order the Christmas card.
  2. Finish looking through the year’s pictures and upload them. I will try to finish the album in time to give copies out at Christmas. That’s usually what I do. But this year I’m willing to cut myself some slack. If it’s not done before Christmas, that’s fine, as long as it’s done by the end of the year.
  3. Trip to the outlet mall to buy gifts for my Mom and my niece, a special ornament for Marshall, money holder cards, a special request from Livia, and some odds and ends for the Advent calendar.
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There Is No Try

There are 46 posts in my drafts folder. This is a new record for me, but it’s not anything to be proud of. I hate to see so many unfinished posts, especially the ones about the kids. It also saddens me that some posts don’t seem worth finishing now, so they represent a lot of wasted time

I need to get my writing act together. The half-ass approach I’ve been using is wasteful and depressing. If I were to print out every unfinished blog post, essay, short story, novel, verse, song, and piece of work documentation, I’d be smothered by the resulting mountain of paper. I don’t want to die under a mound of unfinished work! If I must be buried in paper, let it be my collected published works, so I could at least die knowing that I’d accomplished something.

It’s time to commit to writing or give it up. Fish or cut bait. Or, as Yoda would say, “Write. Or write not. There is no try.”

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Lessons Learned

I learned a lot from working on my nature photo album. I wanted to apply those lessons to my current project, so I put them into a handy list. Now I’m going to post the list here, where I can find it any time.

  • If the project is too big, break it into smaller pieces.
  • Keep track of what you’ve done, what you’re doing, and where you’re going. Don’t throw away anything until you’re done, because you never know when you’ll need to backtrack.
  • Look for better solutions. Just because you’ve found a workaround doesn’t mean there’s not a better solution. Do what you have to do to keep your forward momentum, but don’t give up on the idea of a better solution until you’re absolutely sure there isn’t one.
  • Work on the project every day, and do not stop until it’s done.
  • Accept that there will be mistakes. Better done and flawed than never done.
  • Ignore the voice that says, “No one will like this. This has no value. I am wasting my time. This is a stupid project, and I am stupid.” It doesn’t know what it’s talking about.
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Don’t Worry, Eat Chestnuts

Dear Children,

Marshall and I spent a nice afternoon with your father’s family yesterday. Daddy and Livia had to stay home, because they were sick. Poor Livia cried because she couldn’t go. I felt bad leaving her behind, but she was coughing so much. Not only did she need her rest, but we didn’t want to expose Vovó (who is over 80) to any dangerous germs.

It was chestnut season. November 11 is Dia de Sao Martinho (St. Martin’s Day). In Portugal, it’s traditional to celebrate the day by roasting chestnuts and drinking the first wine of the year. Technically, we visited on the weekend after, but there were still chestnuts at the store and Vovô always has wine. He offered me jupinga (I’m not sure of the spelling—it’s a sweet Portuguese liqueur).

But before any wine or wine-based liqueurs could be drunk, the chestnuts had to be roasted. Vovó gave me a lesson on how to do that. Here I will tell you everything I learned from her, all details lovingly included.

Preheat the oven to 400°.

Wash, drain, and (if necessary) pat dry the chestnuts.

Using a knife with a sharp point, carefully poke a hole at one end of the flatter side, slip the blade under the skin, and cut downward and around, following the shape of the chestnut, to create a little flap. The way she had me do this was to hold a paring knife along the blade so that I could control the point. I wouldn’t recommend this method to anyone else, but as all my fingers are intact, I would use it again.

I worried about making mistakes. Vovó was patient. “Worry about yourself, not the chestnut,” she said. In other words, don’t cut yourself. Everything else is fine. Take a chunk out of the nut inside? No problem. Don’t get all the way through the skin? No problem. Accidentally cut the flap off? No problem. The only thing that matters, she said, is that you create some sort of cut to let out some steam and keep your chestnuts from exploding. She showed me several other ways one could cut a chestnut, such as cutting down the rounder side. She says she gets the best results when she does them the way she showed me.

Then you put the chestnuts on a cookie sheet. She had lined hers with aluminum foil. She also tossed salt on top of the chestnuts, but only, she said, because Vovô likes a little salt on them.

Put them in the oven and let them bake briefly at 400°. I’m not sure how long it was, maybe 10-15 minutes. Then turn the heat down to 350° and bake them some more. Some people just roast them at 350°, but Vovó says she likes the way they come out when you start them out hotter.

After about 30 minutes total baking time, start checking them. They’re done when they can be squeezed easily. Take out a sample and squeeze it. If it squeezes nice, and peels nice, try a nibble. If it seems done, then you’re good to go.

Now, at this point, some people would simply peel the chestnuts. Vovó said it’s important to peel them while they’re still hot or the skins will get hard again, but she likes to “sweat” the chestnuts first. She puts them in a large bowl lined with dry paper towels. Then she puts a wet paper towel across the top of the chestnuts, topped by a clean, dry dish towel, topped by a baking sheet. This keeps the chestnuts warm, and steams them just a bit, which helps the skins come off easier.

After they’ve had their sauna, you peel them. Peeling is easy. You squeeze them until the shell cracks, then take the shell off the nut. Simple, right? Except when the nut pulls apart, or part of the shell is growing into the cracks of the nut, or the papery inner skin doesn’t want to come off, or there are yucky spots on the chestnuts. Here’s how Vovó taught me to handle these issues.

  • Nut pulls apart while you’re taking the skin off. Oh, well. Take it out the best you can. Put the pieces in the bowl along with the perfect ones. Or eat it, if you like.
  • Papery inner skin doesn’t want to come off. Use your paring knife to gently scrape it up. Cut it off if it’s really stubborn.
  • Shell growing into the nut. Try to pull it out. If necessary, open the nut and cut it out. She told me not to worry too much about overlooking any pieces of shell, though, because they won’t hurt you.
  • Yucky spots. There’s no way to know if a chestnut is bad until you take off its shell. Vovó said she once got a batch that was completely bad, but most of the time, there are only a few bad ones. If the thing is obviously rotten or bug-eaten, throw it away. Small yucky or yucky-looking spots can be cut off. Black spots are bad, but brown ones usually aren’t. It’s important to note that there’s a lot of variation in color. Your average roasted chestnuts are mostly yellow with traces of brown, but some are almost completely brown, and she says those are fine, too. She must be right. I ate some brown ones, and I haven’t died yet.

You kids consider chestnuts a strange, foreign food. The texture is unusual, granted, but I think the biggest problem is that you don’t know what to expect from them. The color variations freak you out. So I will pass along what Vovó told me. She said you should always break open the nut before you eat it. That way you can tell if it’s bad before you eat it. Inside, the color of the nut will range from whitish to brownish. This is normal. At the end of the nut will be a little brown piece. This is the sprout that would have come out of the nut had it been allowed to grow. It’s perfectly edible, but little kids who don’t want to eat it can just pull that part off. Vovó is easy-going.

Most people keep cooking instructions shorter, I know. I included every detail so that we can put our minds at ease later if we start to fret over the details. Vovó’s chestnut-roasting lesson was, in a way, a lesson in not worrying. Aside from cutting yourself, there’s hardly anything that can go so terribly wrong. Just prepare the chestnuts and eat them. They’re good, and they’re good for you. Life doesn’t always have to be hard.

Love,

Mom

Posted in Dear Livia, Dear Marshall | 1 Comment

Mental Clutter

The daily target for NaNoWriMo is 1,667 words. I exceeded that number on one day. Otherwise I’ve consistently failed to meet it. Any gain I might have made on that one wordy day was immediately lost on the next, when I wrote only 175 words.

The most annoying thing is that when I sit down and write my stream of consciousness, which is essentially brain clutter, I can write pages and pages of it. That writing has no purpose other than to clean up my brain. I have embraced the idea that getting rid of the mental clutter is part of how you move on to better writing. Still, it’s galling to be able to write reams of throwaway text with such ease but trying to write with purpose still feels like pulling teeth.

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Keep It Brief

Readers gravitate toward that which is pithy, especially in the Internet Age, in which there is too much to read and too little time. That’s why we have a wonderful new acronym: TLDR (Too Long; Didn’t Read). It’s quick and dirty, sort of mean, and yet it’s hard to argue with it. I could go on and on about it, but then this post would be TL.

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Thinking

I don’t think I’m going to win NaNoWriMo this year. I’m not really “in it to win it.” I’m in it to write a novel, not just 50,000 words, but as many words as it takes. The 30-day time frame has lost meaning for me. In the stats tracker of the NaNoWriMo website, they tell me that at my current rate I will finish on December 30. That doesn’t bother me much. I think to myself, “Hey, that’s pretty good. I’d be thrilled to have written a novel by the end of the year!”

I’m falling a little further behind every day. I’m at my creative best when I spend a lot of time researching and reading and thinking, then fuse all of that into something new. That’s how I work. I also tend to do my best thinking in writing form (blog posts, journal entries, lists, writing exercises, etc.). These things take away time from the actual novel writing. Plus I’ve got two children, a mid-November work deadline, and the impending holidays to manage. The odds are against hitting the 50K mark by the end of November.

But NaNoWriMo will be gone at the end of the month, along with all of its benefits: permission to write poorly, pressure to keep writing, a supportive community, a handy stat-tracking website, and friendly competition. Without those, I’m not sure I can stick with my novel until it’s done. Or, to put it another way, NaNoWriMo is serving a purpose, and I don’t know what to replace it with come December.

So I haven’t conceded yet. Instead I’m trying to embrace the best parts of the NaNoWriMo philosophy without allowing myself to be caged by them. I’m going to continue working on my novel in my own way, even if that means fewer words per day. It is my hope that there will be days when the research/reading/thinking pays off by illuminating large sections of the story. On those days I will write for all I’m worth. Maybe I’ll even catch up. But if I don’t, I’m not going to feel bad about it, but rather devote myself to finding another form of motivation.

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I Like What?

Yesterday I found out that I like to listen to “atmospheric electronic” music while writing. I started listening to it simply because I thought it might suit the sci-fi bent of my novel. As it turned out, I enjoyed some of it enough to replay it.

I keep telling the kids that “you learn something new every day.” This is true. And sometimes the new things we learn are about ourselves, the people we had thought we already knew inside and out. Isn’t it a wonderful thing to be surprised by yourself?

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