Blue-Footed Musings

Have you ever heard someone say, “I’m not going to have children because I don’t want to bring innocent lives into such a horrible world.”? The people who say that are invariably very young. It’s a noble-sounding sentiment, for one thing, and teenagers, in particular, love to be noble. Younger people also take the world’s problems personally and get angry over them.

I myself probably said something like that when I was younger. I’m older now. I’ve had to live with the world’s problems longer. I’ve learned a certain amount of acceptance. And yet sometimes I wonder if I was selfish to bring Marshall (and soon to bring his baby sister) into the world. The media abound with horror stories daily from around the globe: genocide, rape, disease, corruption, weapons of mass destruction . . . . It goes on and on. There are so many awful things that could happen to my kids. I can’t protect them from everything. I hate that I can’t!

I have to believe, though, that the joy one can find in life outweighs the risk of living it. Marshall’s smiles come from deep inside. They’re so strong and pure. When you see them, you know he’s honestly happy. When you see that kind of happiness, you know life is worth living.

I want many things for my children. I hope they’ll be musical and smart and friendly and popular and . . . . You get the picture. But most of all, I want them to be happy. The key to happiness is a positive attitude. Marshall has a positive attitude because no one has taught him otherwise. Somehow, in spite of my own tendency toward depression and negativity, I have to foster that native positivity in him, and never crush it.

The strangest thing is that I believe it can be done. I believe I can do it. Where has my negative attitude gone? Pregnancy hasn’t just altered my body. It has gotten into my head, too!