6/30/2024

  • Thunderstorms tore through town one night last week, knocking out our electricity. With neither fan nor AC, the bedroom was hot, and sleep was nearly impossible. The next morning found me sad and grumpy, up early because I couldn’t sleep, attempting to work in the little patch of light coming through my office window, trying to be quiet because Livia was sleeping in my office (her bedroom had been WAY too hot for sleep), and having neither eaten nor had my usual morning beverage, because I couldn’t use the toaster, or the microwave, or the electric kettle, and because I didn’t want to open the refrigerator, which hadn’t run for hours. In this modern world, living without electricity is a challenge (and apparently causes run-on sentences). When the power finally came back on, at about 9:00 a.m., I was incredibly grateful.
  • I got a new work computer last week, not because I wanted one, but because the old one had worn itself out. Many of the company’s programs don’t work on the new operating system, so everything’s jury-rigged in an attempt to replicate the old functionality. I’ve been trying to sort it all out since the new laptop arrived on Thursday, and I’m sorry to report that it’s already brought me to the edge of tears several times. A lot of things just plain don’t function as they’re supposed to. And very little works like it used to, which is hard to adjust to when you’ve been doing things the same particular way for nearly 30 years. Now everything my “autopilot” knows is wrong, and it’s crippling. The work I did on Friday would have taken half as much time on my old laptop.
  • I had my annual physical not too long ago. I wore a mask while I was there, my theory being that the doctor’s office is where all the germs are. At the front desk, they asked about the mask, wondering if I knew that masks were no longer mandatory. And then a nurse asked me about it, too, wondering if I was wearing the mask because I was sick. The questions surprised me. At the doctor’s office, I would have thought masking was still normal enough to go without comment.
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6/21/2024

  • I worry sometimes that if I say (or write) something that sounds wishful, then that “wish” might be granted to me, but in the most awful way, as if by an Evil Genie. To forestall such an event, I often add caveats to the things I say. You can see it in my post from the other day. After writing that I was sick of my job, I clarified that I didn’t want to lose my job. This is a form of superstition, similar to “knock on wood,” and I ought to be above it. But I’m not.
  • I’m still happily reading Watchers. It’s well-written in some respects (great metaphors, beefy verbs, not a lame adverb in sight). But, like so many older books, it has things in it that are cringe-worthy by today’s standards, as well as things so dated that they’d hardly make sense to younger readers. Isn’t it funny how some books can last hundreds of years and others can barely eke out a few decades?
  • There is a woman who has a piano lesson immediately following my music lesson. She had a mountain-climbing accident a few weeks ago in which she hurt her arm and hand. Last Tuesday was her first time back since the accident, and we chatted briefly as I was on my way out and she on her way in. She’s bummed because she used to be able to do 100 push-ups per day before the accident, but now she can’t do a single one. She says she’s not healing as fast as she used to, and she wonders if it’s because she’s over 60. That floored me. I can’t do a single push-up either, not because I’m over 60 or because my bones are healing, but because I’m weak. I’m not sure I’ve ever been able to do a full-fledged push-up. I’ve never been able to do more than a handful of the modified ones either. Damn, but she makes me question some of my life choices!
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6/20/2024

  • I’m sick of my job. I’ve had the same job for nearly 30 years, and while I still enjoy it sometimes, it’s not as much fun as it used to be, nor is it likely to get better. In saying that, I’m not asking for the Powers That Be to bring about any changes in my life; I’m grateful for what I have and perfectly fine being bored at work as I collect my easy paychecks. I am starting to think about how I might change things for myself, though. If I were to leave my job, how else might I earn a living?
  • I was having a tough time finding a book to suit my mood, so I picked up a favorite that I hadn’t read in years: Watchers by Dean R. Koontz. My copy is an old paperback that’s sadly splitting up the spine as I reread it. I’m technically not supposed to buy books right now, but I ordered a used hardcover copy to replace it. (There are some things I must have in life, among them readable copies of all my favorite books.) Meanwhile, I am enjoying the book so far, though it bugged me, as it always does, when one of the main characters fed chocolate to his dog. Chocolate is toxic to dogs. I wonder how many letters the author received about that. Probably more than a few.
  • I’ve been very stressed out lately, but I expect to be done with most of the stressiest stuff over the next week or so. Then it’ll be smooth sailing for a while, I hope.
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What I’m Thinking About Today

  • It’s tough enough that my husband and I, at 50+-years-old, are starting to feel the effects of age on ourselves. It’s worse that we have to see our parents suffer age’s extremes. And it’s worse yet that we know we’re headed in the same direction as they. Seeing them now is like watching a slow-motion movie about our own dark future.
  • It’s amazing how contrasts affect how we feel. My office is pleasant to be in right now. The air conditioning has been on for most of the day, set for temps between 73 and 76, which is right in the comfort zone. But it feels frigid after being anywhere else in the house. My bedroom seems oppressive after being in my office, but it feels cool and dry after being in the master bath, which is hotter and moister. Downstairs also seems hot by comparison to my office, but if you come to it from the outside, it’s like heaven. Did I mention that the entire Northeast is under a “heat dome?” Yeah, we are. In June, before summer has even started. That’s climate change for you.
  • I have to ship my work computer, and it’s stressing me out. I am even more stressed now, after having tried to ship it according to the instructions I was given, because that plan failed miserably. Why is it that the things that work for other people almost never work for me? Am I cursed?
  • I cleaned my desk today. This was not a decluttering. It was a cleaning, as in an earnest attempt to get rid of dust, crud, etc. Now my desk is quite a bit nicer. Too bad there’s still so much clutter….
  • I told my music teacher that I’m taking the summer off. I really needed some time off, plus there are things happening during the summer (classes for the kids, vacations, etc.) that are going to get in the way of my lessons, and I just don’t feel like dealing with that. Do I feel bad about kinda leaving my teacher in the lurch? Nah. He has completely different rules for summer vs. the school year, and I’m just taking advantage an option that he left open. When I asked him what I should work on over the summer, he said I must finish my current piece (oy!) and also recommended that I work more on music theory (double oy!). Have I mentioned how much I hate music theory? I’m pretty sure I did. It’s the math of music, and I do not get it!
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It Ain’t Easy

A post I wrote back in May:

  • Marshall overslept one morning last week. I woke him up, but not in time for him to catch the school bus. I told him that he could take a mental health day if he wanted to. That may sound like a kindness, but really I was just exhausted and didn’t want to drive him to school. I figured that his attendance and grades have been good enough that one day off wouldn’t be an issue. He weighed the pros and cons, then listed all the pros for me, one of which was “And you won’t have to drive me to school.” I always love how he tries to logic his way through situations, but I was thinking to myself, “Kid, me not having to drive you is the only pro!” Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me at the time, my husband was awake, aware of the situation, and thinking, “Please, please, please, don’t come in here and ask me to drive him to school!” It ain’t easy being a parent over 50. We are tired.
  • And our brains have apparently shrunk more than we could have guessed. I knew that each pregnancy had taken a toll on my brain. But also, according to an article that my husband shared with me, every caregiver, be they woman or man, loses some brain volume while taking care of young children. That means my husband’s brain took a hit, too. Dang! And those brain changes can affect mental health and sleep quality. Double dang! The article didn’t talk about whether or not the effects were permanent. The data on that may not be available. But I’m guessing the loss of brain volume is permanent, because I’ve never heard of a way (outside of being very young) to increase brain volume. Adult brains lose volume as they age anyway. As to the effects, those are probably long-lasting, too, if not also permanent. Really unfairly, brain shrinking not only can rob you of sleep, but not getting enough sleep is associated with the development of Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. It ain’t easy having a brain.
  • Chatting with my company’s HR person about my kids, she said, “They must be almost out of school now.” I answered, “Well, they’re both in their teens, but my daughter is only in 7th grade, so she still has five more years to go.” To which she replied, “Oh, I just meant for summer. It’s almost summertime.” And I had to laugh, because I should have known that’s what she meant, but I am always looking yearningly into the distant future when the kids will finally be done with school and I won’t have to get up so early in the morning! It ain’t easy being a Night Owl in a Morning Person’s world.
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Deliberate Dissonance

My music teacher wanted me to compose a piece using just six tones (essentially, a mini twelve-tone piece). On the surface, it seemed like something that would be right up my alley, because it’s a type of puzzle. I tried it, but I quickly gave up. It was tedious, and it seemed like an awful lot of work to put into something that was going to sound random and discordant, as all atonal music does. Twelve-tone is written according to a formula, which makes it pretty much the type of music that a computer would write, and a computer could do it much more efficiently than I could. It’s the perfect job for AI, not for me.

But my teacher seemed so disappointed when I didn’t bring him a 6-tone piece that I decided to meet him halfway. I started writing a piece in four parts, each part using the six-tone series as a jumping-off point and deliberately including dissonant sounds. I’m still working on it, but he liked the early versions of the four parts. In fact, after I played the first part for him the first time, he joked that he was going to start addressing me as “frau” (Shoenberg, the composer who developed the twelve-tone technique, famously said, “I have made a discovery which will ensure the supremacy of German music for the next hundred years.”).

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6/14/2024

  • Today was Marshall’s last day of the 2023-2024 school year! So of course he missed the bus this morning….
  • Monday is an optional school day for Livia, but I think she’s going to go for the Flag Day activities. I don’t remember having Flag Day when I was a kid. Was that a thing?
  • Yesterday was my annual Boob Squishing. The Boob Squishers left me sitting in the changing room for a very long time, long enough for two of the voices in my head to start squabbling. Voice 1 was like, “It’s been too long. Clearly something is wrong. We must have misunderstood what we were supposed to do after getting changed. They’re waiting for us. We must go find them!” Voice 2 was like, “Relax. They know where we are. When they want us, they’ll come get us.” Voice 2 won, but narrowly. And she was right, of course.
  • At work, management is obsessing over things like “time” and “money.” And I get where they’re coming from. I’m a big fan of conserving both of those things. That’s why I’ve been telling them for years some of the ways in which they might go about that. Yet they decided to do nothing until things got bad. Now they’re finally instituting some of the changes for which I and certain coworkers have been begging for years. And they’re also adding some new and totally unsatisfactory changes of their own! I don’t know why I didn’t see that coming. It was the only possible outcome, right? That’s how businesses function.

Editor’s note: previously this post contained the phrase “Book Squishing,” which made no sense. All I can say is that I’m really looking forward to catching up on my sleep this summer.

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Reading Report: Sleuthing With Nancy Drew

I read a few Nancy Drew books earlier this year. One was The Mystery of the Brass-Bound Trunk (#17). I bought it at an antique store in Vermont for $3. It’s not a perfect copy. The cover’s a little stained, and there are marks on the inside covers from past owners, one of whom was a girl named Faye. Faye liked to practice writing her name in cursive, and she owned a red marker with which she added a dash of color to the world. I don’t mind those kinds of marks in books–they simply speak of the book’s history–and I hope Faye has done (or did) well in life.

The basic plot: Nancy is getting ready for a cruise to Buenos Aires with a school group, when suddenly a wealthy but unpleasant woman shows up at Nancy’s house demanding that Nancy withdraw from the tour. The woman claims that she doesn’t want the notorious sleuth associating with her well-bred daughter, and she has the clout to make trouble for the schoolmistress if Nancy goes on the trip. So Nancy makes a compromise. She agrees not to travel with the group, but she and her friends George and Bess still go to Buenos Aires, and they voyage on the same ship. Someone else on the ship has a brass-bound trunk marked with the initials N.D., just like Nancy’s, and this leads to some confusion. Later, in Buenos Aires, Nancy’s trunk gets stolen, and she sets to work tracking it down. The nogoodniks who nicked her stuff had better watch out!

It wasn’t a very good story (I only give it a B grade), but I love reading Nancy Drew mysteries. They’re exciting, and they hearken to simpler times. But, when reading them as an adult, you can’t help but see them through the lens of modern times. Nancy throws herself into harm’s way, and she brazenly makes demands of authority figures that, by anyone else, would be laughed off or criticized, but she gets away with it all, thanks to her good looks, money, and connections. It would be cringe-worthy were it not part of the charm. Nancy can do anything, have anything, go anywhere. She’s smart, happy, successful, and surrounded by supportive people who do everything she asks. Who wouldn’t want to be Nancy Drew?

Nancy Drew books don’t have print dates on them, so it’s hard to tell exactly how old they are. This book has the original copyright date (1940), so I know it’s not one of the later rewrites, and it has that delicious old-book smell. It has the matte yellow cover that means it was printed between 1962 and 1986. Given its general appearance and copyright date, I’d say it’s from the 1960s.

I wondered if it were possible to approximate the print date more closely. Since Wikipedia lists the publication date for each book of the series, I theorized that you could guesstimate the age of a Nancy Drew book using the list of “Books by Carolyn Keene” at the beginning of the book. That seemed reasonable, until I realized that yellow-covered printings have BBCK lists on their back covers, and those lists don’t match the ones inside the books. They have a few more titles on them, suggesting that the inner lists lagged by a few years. So I guess the cover lists are better to use. Anyway, using that method, my copy of The Mystery of the Brass-Bound Trunk can be pegged to 1967 or thereabout.

P.S. When I set out to write this post, I was only going to talk about the story, but I got sucked into the “mystery” of the publication date. That’s what comes from reading Nancy Drew books. They’re like a gateway drug for sleuthing. Next thing you know, you’re looking looking for mysteries and digging up clues all over the place!

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New Default

I am a quiet and non-confrontational person. Consequently I try to avoid talking about political issues, particularly among people with whom I’m likely to disagree. But sometimes I end up in those kinds of conversations despite my best efforts. When that happens, I try to state my opinions in a way that is polite and that uses reasoned arguments to persuade. However, the next time anyone says something stupid to me about climate change (e.g., “I don’t believe in climate change” or “The climate may be changing, but not because of humans”) my default response is going to be “Are you a fucking moron?”

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Reading Report: June 2024

My reading pace has been slow, but I finished four books recently. Two of them (Tom’s Midnight Garden and A Bear Called Paddington) are on the BBC’s Top 100 Children’s Books list, bringing my total for that list to 52/100.

Tom’s Midnight Garden by Philippa Pearce, A-: Tom is sent to his aunt and uncle’s place because his brother has measles. There’s nowhere for him to play there, and he thinks he’ll be stuck inside the entire time, miserably bored. But then, late at night, the old grandfather clock in the lobby of the apartment building strikes the impossible hour of thirteen while Tom is awake and unable to sleep. He creeps downstairs, where he discovers that the paved area behind the building has been transformed into a large, beautiful garden, which he then explores each night during his stay. I struggled to get into this book. Maybe it was the character of Tom, who was annoying at times, or maybe it was the garden, which didn’t seem particularly exciting (Tom’s means of access to the garden is magical, but the garden itself is not). It got better as it went along, though, and I enjoyed the ending, however predictable. There are many books that are like this: difficult to get into but sad to leave at the end. The older I get, the less willing I am to stick with a book that I’m not enjoying. But one benefit of reading classics is that most of them are classics for good reason, so you know that your patience is likely to be rewarded.

A Bear Called Paddington by Michael Bond, A+: Mr. and Mrs. Brown are at the train station to pick up their daughter. While there, they find a polite little bear who is alone and has nowhere to go, so they take him home with them and make him part of their family. Paddington, whom they named after the train station, is always getting into trouble, but he’s so sweet and polite that they love him anyway. I had access to the Paddington series as a child and probably read at least some of them, but I didn’t remember any details beyond Paddington’s fondness for marmalade. I’m so glad I read this book now. It’s such a charmer! Recommended.

Emily Wilde’s Map of the Otherlands (Book 2 of the Emily Wilde Series) by Heather Fawcett, A: Emily Wilde is a professor of “dryadology” (the study of fairies and such). In this second book of the series, she travels to an alpine region looking for a “nexus,” a fairy door that goes to multiple places, something which other scholars think is a myth. If anyone can find the nexus, she can, and she has more than scholarship driving her to find it, because the life of her suitor and fellow scholar, Wendell Bambleby, is in danger. A fun mix of fantasy and romance, this book is every bit as enjoyable as the book that preceded it. To give you a hint of the book’s character, here’s how it begins:

The foot would not fit in my briefcase, so I wrapped it in cloth and wrestled it into an old knapsack I sometimes carry with me on expeditions. Surprisingly–or perhaps unsurprisingly, as it is a faerie foot–it is neither dirty nor foul-smelling. It is, of course, long mummified and would probably be mistaken for a goat’s foot by a casual observer, perhaps an unlikely offering excavated from the tomb of some ancient pharaoh. . . .

I gazed at my now-bulging knapsack, feeling entirely ridiculous. Trust me when I say that I would rather not cart a foot around campus with me. But faerie remains, mummified or not, have been known to slip away as the fancy takes them, and I can only assume that feet are particularly inclined to such wanderlust…

Constellation Route by Matthew Olzmann: The poems in this collection are framed as letters, with the post office as a uniting theme. They are intellectual, questioning, not always easily absorbed, but good. I think I would enjoy them more if I could have additional time with them, but the book is borrowed, and I must return it. Here are links to some of the poems that I liked and that are currently available online:

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