Ish

I talked to a coworker by IM last week. She asked how I was, and I said I was “OKish.” She replied, “Same.” And I thought to myself, “Wow. How sad is it that neither of us can even commit to a neutral term at this point.” Neither of us asked why the other was “ish,” either. I think we just accept that nobody is happy with the way things are now. The details are almost irrelevant, and nobody wants to dwell.

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Too Much TV

I have been watching too much TV. It’s not entirely by choice. My shoulder has made almost everything painful. It’s hard to find a comfortable position for using the computer. Reading is difficult, because normally I’d hold the book with my right hand, and now that irritates my arm. I actually tried to read the other night, but then I got an ocular migraine (probably from not sleeping), and that put the kibosh on that. I can still play piano, but the uppermost notes are out of reach (my arm simply doesn’t move in that direction anymore).

In truth, it’s hard even to be comfortable watching TV, but it’s slightly less uncomfortable than anything else. The big challenge–especially after having canceled several of our streaming services–is finding things that I feel like watching. Imagine my delight when Netflix informed me that there was a new season of Bridgerton. I absolutely adore that show, even as I hate it in so many ways. I immediately starting watching the new season. Happily immersed in my love-hate relationship, I was shocked when the show came to a screeching halt after the fourth episode. Damn you, Netflix, for making me wait for the rest of the episodes!

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Dressing

I accidentally put my shirt on inside-out the other day. I noticed immediately but just as quickly decided to leave it be. It wasn’t worth the extra shoulder pain to fix it. The perfectionist part of me was pissed off about that, but she was in pain, too, and chose not to throw a fit. And to put things in perspective, it was such a minor indignity compared to the day of my father-in-law’s funeral, when I had to ask for my husband’s help getting both dressed and undressed. My everyday around-the-house clothing I can manage, thankfully. Dresses and bras with clasps I cannot.

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All Pain, No Gain

My shoulder has gotten worse, so much so that I can barely sleep. My physical therapists had portrayed my shoulder problem as tendonitis, perhaps brought about by bad posture or whatever, and that I needed to keep working the muscles in order to avoid frozen shoulder. But my husband watched some videos on YouTube about frozen shoulder that suggested an alternative explanation. According to those videos–made by doctors–I am probably developing frozen shoulder and have been all along and likely for no reason other than that I’m a woman between 40 and 65. Though the doctors didn’t come right out and say it, the implication was that frozen shoulder is a gift from that old bitch Menopause. (And isn’t that just lovely.) Frozen shoulder often takes a long time to resolve itself, and I could have another 20+ months of pain to look forward to, though supposedly the “frozen” stage hurts less than the “freezing” stage. Anyway, I have an appointment to see an orthopedist next week, and perhaps I will learn more then.

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2025 in Review

January (7 posts): The most interesting thing about January’s posts is that I could almost have written them this year. I still have the same set of concerns (bird flu, my cognitive health, etc.). The difference is that I’ve achieved a certain level of detachment. The best post of the seven–a real bright spot–is the one about some things my kids said when they were little. Stories about them always cheer me up.

February (23 posts): The shortest month of the year turns out to have gotten the most posts. How unexpected. My favorites are Getting My Paws on Some Pawpaws (because it was a lovely day worth remembering) and Cake Stomach (because Livia is so wickedly funny).

March (6 posts): No standout posts, but a few standout ideas: “It’s time I finally told my Algebra Demon to fuck all the way off” (from Algebra Demon) and “Everything is hard at first, but hard work and persistence win out” (from Fixed, Finally).

April (2 posts): I wrote about the first violet of the season and the loss of our healthcare providers. What these posts make me think about now is how lucky we are. We are lucky to own our own home and to have the beauty of nature right outside the door. And though the healthcare system just keeps getting worse and worse, we’ve been managing to find doctors as we’ve needed them, and that’s more than everyone can say, sadly.

May (4 posts): The most interesting (and terrifying) thing that happened in May was the wildfire. Let’s hope we don’t get more of those.

June (6 posts): In Spring Cleaning I talked about the upcoming Book Liberation Day. That event happened later than hoped, but it did happen. All of our books have been liberated and all but a few are on shelves. We set aside a whole box of books to be given away, and I finally dropped that box off at the library earlier this year.

July (11 posts): In July, I enjoyed having a front yard full of clovers and a back yard full of swamp dewberries. I started walking more. For a while, I felt almost back to normal. I was walking, enjoying nature, and taking pictures, just like my old self. I wish I’d managed to keep all that up.

August (16 posts): I’m shocked to realize how long ago I broke my glasses. I still haven’t replaced them. In Looking for the Impossible, I talked about my hunt for a lake house. You do not want to know how much time I spent on Zillow last year. Some dreams die hard, or not at all. I had my 30-year work anniversary. How is that even possible? In Book Math, I thought about how many more books I might read, and the numbers were not reassuring. I still haven’t changed my reading habits, but I really should.

September (2 posts): One of September’s posts was an Ode to the Library (because libraries are awesome). The other was a list of thoughts and minor events from one particular week. Sometimes I think those sorts of posts are silly and hesitate to write them. But, looking at them in retrospect, I’m usually glad to have a snapshot of that time of my life, even if nothing major was going on.

October (16 posts): One of October’s posts makes me think that to-do lists should be tossed as soon as their term expires so that you can’t look back and say, “Oh, gosh. I still haven’t done that!” (I still haven’t gotten rid of the piles on my desk or had my celebratory birthday dinner–depressing). But the most important things happening in October were that I quit my music lessons and that my husband and I paid off our mortgage.

November (8 posts): The highlight of November was getting our back porch redone.

December (2 posts): December sucked. Let’s not rehash it.

I think I wrote just enough in 2025 to justify the continued existence of my blog. But there’s so much I didn’t talk about. I regret it now and will likely regret it more later. So many great memories lost. So many pieces missing from my life. So many records I wish I’d kept. So little to draw upon later.

If there’s any lesson to be learned from the collective posts of 2025, it’s this: write more!

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It’s (I’m) a Mess

My office continues to be a terrible mess. Nearly every day I say to myself that I will finally go through the piles of things and straighten everything up. And yet I keep not finding the time for it. I cannot lie to myself, though. I know that if I really wanted my office clean, I could have it done within a few hours. And if I wanted to organize it–really get all the way into the nitty-gritty–I could do that within a matter of days. The reason my office is a mess is because I am a mess. I am mirroring my internal chaos in my surroundings, and until I decide that I don’t want to do that anymore, it will not change.

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Take a Deep Breath

I’ve been trying to get back into the habit of walking. When I looked out the window late this afternoon and noticed that it was snowing, I forced myself to go outside. I only walked a few laps, but somewhere around the third one I stopped to admire the color of the sky and the beauty of the snowflakes falling around me, and I took the deepest breath I’d taken in months. It was good.

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Random Today Thoughts

  • I enjoyed listening to Band of Horses while working.
  • When my husband came into my office this morning, he saw that I had the online dictionary open to the page for DOORBELL. He said, “You don’t know what a doorbell is?” That got us laughing. A spouse’s best trait is a good sense of humor.
  • The modern world is completely screwed up, but I rarely ever wish to have been born at an earlier time. There are too many scientific advancements that I wouldn’t want to live without. Today I’m particularly thankful for weather forecasting. Can you imagine not knowing that there was this gigantic storm headed our way? Last I heard, we’re expected to get 12-18 inches of snow. School has already been canceled for Monday.
  • Seeing the thousands gathered in Minneapolis lifted my spirits.
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Eager to Travel

All four of us applied for our passports at the same time. We paid an extra $60 to expedite the passport of the one person who needed it soonest. Ironically, that’s the passport that took longest to arrive. Who could have imagined that our non-expedited applications would be processed so quickly? Anyway, they all arrived much sooner than expected, and I’m excited that we all finally have our passports. I’m looking forward to planning a big family trip or, at the very least, visiting Canada the next time we’re near the border.

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Reading in 2025

My goal for 2025 was to read 32 book. According to my list I read 38, but because 11 of them were children’s picture books, it would be fairer to say that I only read 27. Sigh. It’s not as much as I’d hoped, but it’s also not nothing. And don’t get me wrong about the picture books. I love them. They’re just not what I’d intended to fill my list with.

On the plus side, here are some types of books that I clearly enjoyed filling my 2025 reading list with.

  • Good mysteries: The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman
  • Sad but well-written speculative fiction: Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro
  • Fictional memoirs of intrepid women explorers: A Natural History of Dragons: A Memoir by Lady Trent by Marie Brennan
  • Nonfictional memoirs and musings: Walking: One Step at a Time by Erling Kagge and Never Have Your Dog Stuffed: And Other Things I’ve Learned by Alan Alda
  • Good short story collections: Buried Deep and Other Stories by Naomi Novik
  • Super kind and inclusive sci-fi: A Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet and A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers
  • Super kind and inclusive romance: The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches and A Witch’s Guide to Magical Innkeeping by Sangu Mandanna
  • Classic children’s literature: Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfeild, Runaway Ralph by Beverly Cleary, and Moominvalley in November by Tove Jansson
  • Rereads: City of Sorcery and Stormqueen by Marion Zimmer Bradley, and The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

And here are some things I encountered in 2025 that I would rather avoid in the future: books with totally unlikable characters, books with awesome premises that ultimately don’t follow their own internal logic and consequently break your heart, and books that draaaaaaag.

My other reading goals for 2025 were to read more poetry (oops!), to finish at least 16 books from the BBC’s Top 100 Children’s Books list (my total was 13–not bad!), and to give away more books (there’s a big box of donations in the trunk of my car, just waiting to be dropped off).

Overall I did pretty well with my reading goals, and I will aim for the same ones this year. The only goal I truly failed on last year–reading more poetry–is not a hard goal. I have the wish. I just need to find the will. I hope this year will finally be the year.

Wishing everyone a wonderful year of reading in 2026!

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