Connoisseur of Mustaches

A conversation between Poirot and “The Third Girl.”

“And how did you know me, may I ask? What made you recognize me?”
“Your mustache,” said Norma immediately. “It couldn’t be anyone else.”
He was gratified by that observation and stroked it with pride and vanity that he was apt to display on these occasions.
“Ah, yes, very true. Yes, there are not many mustaches such as mine. It is a fine one, hein?”
“Yes—well, yes—I suppose it is.”
“Ah, you are perhaps not a connoisseur of mustaches, but I can tell you . . . that it is a very fine mustache.”

from Third Girl

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Problems

I don’t have problems.

Yes, it’s true that…

  • I don’t get enough sleep. What mother with an infant does? It’s a temporary disability, the compensations for which are my lovely daughter and her precious smiles.
  • I’m tired of my job, but though I’m in a job-hating phase now, I know that at some point in the future I’ll be thrilled with my work once again. As they say, it’s only work if you’d rather be doing something else. By that logic, I don’t work very much, and for that I’m grateful.
  • My house isn’t finished. It’s not in a bad state, though. All rooms but one are livable, and with some effort we could finish the interior by the end of the year. It won’t happen. But it could happen, and that’s a nice thought.
  • I haven’t been getting enough exercise, partly because I don’t have a lot of time for it, and partly because it has been such a buggy year. The ticks, for example, kept me out of the woods all spring and summer. The ticks are still out there, too. I found one on my leg just the other day. I was tromping through some underbrush, though, so I probably deserved it. There are some solutions available, including cutting a path through that area so that I don’t have to brush by any plants. It makes more sense to do that than to complain or get “ticked on.”
  • Money keeps getting tighter. This house is more expensive than I anticipated and prices just keep rising. But we won’t go hungry, or cold, or naked, and we won’t have to beg. That is a lot for which to be thankful.
  • I have a horrible pain in my shoulder/neck. I also have health insurance and a doctor that I can go to, and if all else fails, pain killers.

My husband’s cousin has just been diagnosed with cancer. Cancer is a problem. If it kills you, then you’re dead and nothing else will ever seem like a problem again. I don’t know what her prognosis is (good, I hope), but her diagnosis is a reminder that there’s a difference between an inconvenience and a problem. I have inconveniences. I’m thankful for my lack of problems.

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First in the New Marathon

The Gremlins: A Royal Air Force Story (The Lost Walt Disney Production)
by Flight Lieutenant Roald Dahl
Grade: B+

The Gremlins is the first book in my Roald Dahl reading marathon. It is an old-fashioned, cutesy kind of story. It starts with an R.A.F. pilot involved in a firefight with a German aircraft. The pilot happens to look starboard, and there he sees a gremlin standing on his wing, drilling holes. Later, while drinking in the mess with some other pilots, he tells the story about the gremlin and the others don’t believe him. The gremlin suddenly appears and introduces himself. From that point on, the gremlins don’t bother to hide their activities, and the pilots try to train the gremlins out of their destructive ways.

I didn’t love the story. It found it simplistic and somewhat silly. However, it’s not bad for a first effort. When I think back on my own first novel (written for NaNoWriMo several years ago), The Gremlins actually looks pretty darned good by comparison. Also, this “Lost Walt Disney Production” edition has wonderful illustrations, plus an introduction by Leonard Maltin that explains how the story came about and why the intended Disney movie was never made. While I didn’t love it, I think The Gremlins might be a fun read for a child who likes airplane stories, and the background information might add interest for the adult who wants to read along.

P.S. Female gremlins are called “fifinellas.” Baby gremlins are “widgets.” “Spandules” are a breed of high-altitude gremlins that eat hailstones.

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Justice Is a Fine Word

Amanda Knox was freed from prison last week. The media are all abuzz. Is she guilty? Is she innocent? We will probably never know the truth about her roommate’s murder. It’s too bad Poirot’s not around to sort it all out. As he once said,

There are more important things than finding the murderer. And justice is a fine word, but it is sometimes difficult to say exactly what one means by it. In my opinion, the important thing is to clear the innocent.

from Death in the Air

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We Are Not Brainwashed

Dear Livia,

I once posted a comment on Facebook about one of my late-night ruminations. You had woken me up for a feeding and I needed a bib for you. The first one I grabbed was Marshall’s old Patriots bib, and my knee-jerk reaction was to put it aside because it was a “boy’s bib.” That was a ridiculous thought, of course. Why can’t a girl like football? So I joked that I was going to have to turn you into the world’s biggest Patriots fan to prove that I hadn’t succumbed to “princess brainwashing.”

I don’t know if I’m up to the task. I’m not exactly a sports afficionada myself. However, I promise to teach you what I can. I will teach you, for example, to tell the difference between a hockey puck and a Ring Ding. That’s very important. I will also teach you that it’s impossible to guess the outcome of a football game based on which mascot could kick the other mascot’s butt. Armed with this knowledge, you will never pick teams for the office betting pool so foolishly. And though I don’t fully understand the rules of baseball, I will teach you not to ask questions in the middle of the game, because I’m told that’s annoying.

Love,

Mom

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On the Bright Side

Dear Marshall,

You have become very sensitive to mosquito bites. You had a few recently that you scratched to an oozing state. It pained me to see them. It was my punishment for allowing you to be bitten, though I don’t see how we could prevent every bite, with or without insect repellent, since the mosquitoes get in the house sometimes and bite you at night. There was sort of a bright side to the situation, though. You called your scratched bites “booboo bites,” which was utterly adorable. I’m glad that mosquito season is almost over, but I will miss that phrase.

Love,

Mom

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Asleep

Dear Livia,

When it’s time to put you to bed, we bring you upstairs, change your diaper, put you in your sleep sack, turn down the lights, and feed you your last bottle of the day. The other night, you were just about done with your bedtime bottle when you reached over and caressed my arm as if to say, “Thanks, Mom.” Then you smacked it, as if to say, “But next time bring more.” Then you turned your head and you were asleep.

I watched you for a while afterward. You look different when you’re asleep. Awake, you’re so eager, so full of smiles, so gung-ho to explore that I don’t really think of you as an infant. When you’re asleep, with your delicate features in repose and your little body unmoving, suddenly you seem vulnerable, a precious baby who needs her parents’ protection. But whether you look like you need my protection or not, you’ll have it for as long as you need it, and then some.

Love,

Mom

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Tiny Gardens

I went for a walk in our woods yesterday. The clouds swept across the hill just before I left, darkening the sky and threatening rain. The woods were dim and damp. Mushrooms abounded. A white fungus or mold blotched the trail in spots. Branches and twigs littered the path, suggesting that no one had been walking these woods since before Irene.

Reaching the Scenic Overlook I was amazed, as I always am, by the stark beauty of the rocks and mosses, lichens and stunted oaks. Who knew there were so many distinct shades of gray, green, and brown? And the plants and lichens grow in what always strike me as tiny gardens. It’s almost impossible to capture that idea in a photograph, but I will try to show you.

Here is one of the tiny gardens shown from ground level. The stone-hugging lichen is the lowest level of growth. Next is a vibrant green turfy moss. Behind it grows a taller, bushy moss. Sometimes the bushy moss mixes with a scraggly lichen, like so.

And behind the bushy moss, grows the “tree” of this tiny garden, a red-tinged grass.

I have always thought that the story of the Garden of Eden contains an important kernel of truth about the human race. We are at heart gardeners. We cannot help but want to shape our environment. Since there are things growing in our environment, we want to control them, to best arrange them to suit our needs and desires of the moment.

As I looked upon this scene, my fingers twitched to pull out the plants that I didn’t like, to remove the dead twigs and other bits of detritus, to bring human order to this random little patch of natural growth. It was partly for the sake of the pictures I was trying to take, but I think too that I saw beauty in its rawest form, and I wanted to bring that beauty out, to make the scene before my eyes match the image in my head.

It amuses me to think about tending this tiny garden, adding little ornaments of polished stone and glass, building miniature benches and creating bordered paths, and maybe even engineering an ornamental pond or two. Don’t put it past me. If I can ever manage regular walks, I might just try it.

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One

Dear Marshall,

When you want something (a cookie, a TV show, etc.), you try to convince us by saying, “One!” As if we couldn’t possibly refuse such a small, reasonable request! When we give you what you want, you smile and accept your treat. It’s never enough, though. When you’re done with it, you come back and say, “One!” And if we ignore your request, you repeat it over and over again, each time a little louder and poutier—“One! ONE! ONNNNNNNNNE!”

At night when it’s time for bed, I tell you to grab one book to read. You start stacking a bunch of books. So I say, “One!” You pick up the stack, which takes a while because a couple of them try to slide out. “That’s six, Marshall. I said, ‘One.’ We’re only going to read one!” You ignore me and take your stack over to the bed. “ONE! ONE! ONE!” I say. You sit down and pick out the first book for me to read to you. “ONE!” I say one last time, then sit down and read six.

Love,

Mom

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That’s Life

Poirot once said,

Ah, but life is like that! It does not permit you to arrange and order it as you will. It will not permit you to escape emotion, to live by the intellect and by reason! You cannot say, ‘I will feel so much and no more.’ Life, . . . whatever else it is, is not reasonable!

from Sad Cypress

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