Spam a Lot

Posted on 04/30/2011 by chick

Having just seen Spamalot, it’s fitting that my blog has been getting spam-slammed lately. These spammers are really gung-ho to get their comments on my site, and because they say such wonderful things, I’m going to oblige them this one time. Here for your enjoyment, the cream of the crop.

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Well, it’s about time someone noticed how I “take care of to stay it sensible,” and I’m pleased as punch that someone considers my posts “rattling instructive.” But to be someone’s “inhalation,” that just makes my heart go thump, thump. I love you, too!

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Missing Things

Posted on 04/28/2011 by chick

I never miss my old state, town, or condo, but I miss the ocean. Being near the woods is great, but not the same. I can almost pretend, though, on a cold and snowy day, that I’m still near the ocean.

I like to be out there when the weather is bad. It’s not too hot. You’re not expecting to see sun, so if it peeps out for a moment, your heart leaps with joy. The precipitation simultaneously cleanses the air while bringing out the natural smells of dirt and leaves. There is no one else there but you, no one to disturb you. The only manmade sound is the very distant drone of cars on the highways. The only other noises I hear are the snow settling on the ground, birds chirping, leaves rasping in the wind, animals scurrying, and the sound of my own breath as I watch the snow waves break on the tree shores.

Now I miss not just the ocean but also the snowy woods!

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SITY: I Heart Violets

Posted on 04/27/2011 by chick

I’m so thrilled that the violets are finally coming into bloom. Is it just me, or does this one look happy to see me, too?

“Roses are red, dilly, dilly,
Violets are blue,
If you love me, dilly, dilly,
I will love you.”

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Bugger Off, Bugs!

Posted on 04/26/2011 by chick

I’ve been telling everyone in my family about this science story, because I’m really excited about it.

There is a substance found in grapefruit that is toxic to insects but not to humans. It is called nootkatone and it breaks down quickly in the environment. The CDC has licensed their patents on nootkatone to a couple of companies in hopes that the companies can develop inexpensive insect repellents and insecticides using this substance.

This is music to my ears. I love walking in the woods, but the woods are crawling with unpleasant bugs. Step off the path for so much as a minute and you’re likely to get a deer tick on your pants. If you’re lucky, you’ll spot it and flick it off or kill it before it can bite you. If you’re not, you could end up with a tick sucking your blood, and later, Lyme disease.

Still, I refuse to cover myself in DEET. It’s poison, not just to bugs, but to everything. And when it comes to my children, if my only choices are DEET, the potential for Lyme disease, or keeping them away from the woods, I may well keep them out of the woods. It’s not a nice choice.

That’s why I was so happy to read this science story. I’m mentioning it here not only because I want to share the great news, but also because I want the CDC and the companies working with nootkatone to know that I would be willing to pay big bucks for a truly safe and reliable bug spray. My plea to them: even if you can’t make it really inexpensive, please make it anyway! You can even charge me extra to finance its use in places where people need it to prevent malaria but can’t afford it.

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My Favorite Martian

Posted on 04/25/2011 by chick

Dear Marshall,

You are quite the talker, but you don’t speak English. You speak Martian. It is a difficult language, and though I’ve been working hard to learn it, I have only translated a few words so far. Here they are, in no particular order.

eon = lion
boombee = bumblebee
bye = butterfly
bebra = zebra
wa’oo = water
gok = milk
Nino = Mojo
doy = door
noy = snow
noyn = snowing
a’oo = cat food
o’ee = coffee
gooey = green
blah = blue
yee’oo = yellow
dooey = three
barah = giraffe
gockey = monkey
beu-beu = booboo
po’ee = potty
dindow = window
dat = cat

You are so certain Martian is a superior language, you argue with me about the names of things. When I say “milk,” you reply “gok” so definitively that I begin to think I must be wrong. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I didn’t drink enough gok when I was your age and I’m just not as smart as you are.

Wa’oo, by the way, is not just a substance, but also a place. There is a drainage pipe the lets out near one of the turns of our driveway. Sometimes the water runs in a torrent, sometimes a trickle, but at most times, like now, it’s a steady, burbling stream. You love to go down the driveway to see it. It’s the first thing you think about when you go outside. You say, “Wa’oo! Wa’oo!” If we don’t take you to it, you throw a fit.

You’ve  been throwing a lot of fits lately. We’re not entirely sure why, but we suspect that it’s partly because you’re frustrated with your inability to communicate exactly what you want. These tantrums are no fun for any of us, so I tell you what—I’ll try even harder to learn Martian and you keep on trying to learn English. I’m sure we’ll understand each other in no time, and then we’ll clue in your dad.

😉

Love,

Mom

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Dressing for the Occasion

Posted on 04/24/2011 by chick

Poirot and his friend Hastings traveled to many places together, including Egypt. In “The Adventure of the Egyptian Tomb,” Hastings said,

The charm of Egypt had laid hold of me. Not so Poirot. Dressed precisely the same as in London, he carried a small clothes-brush in his pocket and waged an unceasing war on the dust which accumulated on his dark apparel.

I can sympathize with Poirot on this point. It is hard to give up one’s usual mode of dress, even in unusual circumstances.

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Mystery Thing #6

Posted on 04/23/2011 by chick

I used to think of beetles as being rather plain and boring. The only obvious exception I knew of was the Japanese beetle, which is a beautiful but terrible destroyer of rosebushes. This new mystery thing is brighter and prettier than a Japanese beetle, thus interesting. What is it? My best guess in the comments.

P.S. Sorry for the poor quality of these pictures, but this was one bug that did not want its picture taken. I felt like a paparazzo! Why it was dressed in bright metallic green if it didn’t want to be seen is beyond me. If you would like to see better pictures of this kind of bug, Google its name (see comments).

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Fourth Blogiversary

Posted on 04/19/2011 by chick

Whether you call it a blogiversary, blogoversary, blogversary, or blog anniversary, this is my fourth.

To celebrate, I decided to pick a favorite post for each month from April 2010 through March 2011. For some months, there were slim pickings, but at least every month had posts. I may stay away from the blog for weeks at a time, but I always come back. It’s important to me. Without it, my memories would be hazy and jumbled. I’m so glad to have blogged for another year. Happy Blogiversary to me!

Favorite Posts of the Past Year

April 2010
SITY: A Study of Violets: As I’ve mentioned before, I love violets. And I thought I knew them well. Then I discovered, as with many things in life, I didn’t know them at all…

May 2010
Your Mom, the Singer-Songwriter: Dear Marshall, You seem to like the sound of my voice. When you were very young,  I tried to sing baby songs to you and found that I didn’t know all the words. So I started making up my own songs…

June 2010
New Low: This morning, there was a horrible baby poop incident…

July 2010
One Thing: There was one thing that Gretchen Rubin said in her happiness project book that really hit home…

August 2010
The Rant: People piss me off. Past acquaintances, complete strangers, close friends, it could be anyone at any moment. Here is a small sampling of the people who have pissed me off in recent weeks…

September 2010
Surprise, Surprise: Dear Baby Girl, When you’re pregnant, people always ask, “So are you going to find out the sex?” And I say, “Of course!” Thanks to modern science, there’s no reason to wait…

October 2010
Learning from Squirrels: Yesterday, I took Marshall outside to play. It was a beautiful day…

November 2010
The Short Stick: My coworker died earlier this week…

December 2010
No-Show Snow: I just looked at the weather report, hoping snow was in the forecast for Christmas. Alas, it is not likely, and as Poirot says…

January 2011
Clear Thinking: Clear thinking is something of which we all need more. Here’s how Poirot describes his process for clear thinking…

February 2011
Don’t Think Pink: There really should be more variation in the colors and designs of baby girl clothes. Those pink, cutesy outfits don’t just push girls toward princesshood, which is bad enough, but they also have the potential to break up my marriage…

March 2011
Radio Waves: Dear Marshall, The clock radio in your room has nature sounds, including ocean waves and a babbling brook. Every night at your bedtime, we set it to play one of those sounds…

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What the Fuzz!

Posted on 04/18/2011 by chick

Ew! What is that?

Is it something the cats coughed up?

Actually, it’s the fuzz that I collected from a Brookstone Comfy, which is basically a Snuggie by a different name. You have heard of the Snuggie, right? It’s that goofy blanket with arms that became so immensely popular a few years ago.

The original Snuggie, when it first came out, seemed appealing. But then it occurred to me—it’s just a loose robe worn backward. Hasn’t anyone else noticed that? So, being a smart person, I figured I’d either continue to make do with a blanket or start wearing my robe backward like a dumbass and thereby save myself some money.

Then someone bought me this Imitation Snuggie for Christmas last year. And you know what? I was happy to receive it. After all, I wouldn’t look any more ridiculous in it than I did wearing my blanket (just ask my husband), and pregnancy had made me far too fat for my robe.

Then I washed the darned thing. Everything that went into the washer and dryer with it came out covered with balls of beige fuzz. So I washed and dried it again, this time by itself. It shed enough to clog the dryer’s lint screen, but it was still covered with fuzz. Just think how much more material must have washed down the drain. There’s probably another whole Snuggie’s worth of fuzz at the bottom of our septic tank! Sewer Snuggie. Ew!

I almost gave up and threw the accursed backward robe away, but I decided to give it one last chance. I took a lint brush to it. Ten minutes later, I had created the pile of lint you see in the photo. But the thing is still shedding. What the fuzz!

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The Good Heart

Posted on 04/17/2011 by chick

Poirot says,

And the good heart, it is in the end worth all the little gray cells.

from “The Jewel Robbery at the Grand Metropolitan”

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