Silliness

This Poirot comment was obviously written for me.

A girl may be beautiful and have auburn hair and yet be silly.

from “Double Sin”

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Lessons Learned

I really hate it when adults, particularly ones who are over 30, blame their parents for all their problems. They say, “My parents messed me up so bad that I’ll never be able to live a normal life. I’m emotionally crippled and there’s nothing I can do about it. My life stinks and it’s all their fault. Waaaaaaah!”

Sure, you can trace some of your problems back to childhood. Your parents probably did do some things to screw you up royally. But as an adult, you have the capacity to change, to grow, to improve your life. If you stay in bad situations and continue to behave in bad ways, you have no one to blame but yourself.

And you are obligated to try to do better for your kids. After all, what’s the point in remembering the past if you don’t learn anything from it? Here are two things that I learned.

1. If you sense a serious problem with your child, you MUST fix it. You may have to try several different approaches, and you may have to suffer some failures, but you must keep trying until you resolve the problem. Children need your help. They cannot be expected to figure out everything for themselves, nor can they be trusted to behave in the ways that are best for them without guidance.

2. Application of force (using physical, emotional, or psychological means to overwhelm) is only rarely a good solution. More often it breeds pain, resentment, and stronger resistance.

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December Reading

Here are the last few books that I read in 2010.

The Big Four by Agatha Christie
Grade: C+

Hercule Poirot pits his wits against The Big Four, a mysterious and powerful crime ring whose goal is to take over the world. Agatha Christie must have been interested in crime rings because they are featured in several of her stories. I don’t share her fascination, however, so this was a tough read for me.

There is a Tide by Agatha Christie
Grade: B

A young widow inherits an enormous fortune while her husband’s relatives, who have come to depend on his money, get nothing. It’s a situation that almost invites murder, and murder is an invitation for Hercule Poirot. Only so-so.

Hallowe’en Party by Agatha Christie
Grade: B-

Written late in Christie’s career (copyright 1969), this mystery lacks the charm of her earlier works. Obviously a murder mystery is going to contain some violence, but Christie often managed to write about crime in such a way that we knew not to take it too seriously. This story is too serious. There are no starlets, no heiresses, no glamor. The victim, killed at a Halloween party, is quite young and the whole story bears the taint of lost innocence. Our whole society, Christie seems to say, has lost its innocence, and she rams the idea down our throats by allowing her characters to rant about it. For example, here’s what one character says.

I think there’s more of it than there used to be in my young day. We had our mentally disturbed, or whatever they call them, but not so many as we have now. I expect there are more of them let out of the place they ought to be kept safe in. All our mental homes are too full; overcrowded, so doctors say, “Let him or her lead a normal life. Go back and live with his relatives,” and so on. And then the nasty bit of goods, or the poor afflicted fellow, whichever way you like to look at it, gets the urge again and another young woman goes out walking and is found in the gravel pit, or is silly enough to take lifts in a car. Children don’t come home from school because they’ve accepted a lift from a stranger, although they’ve been warned not to. Yes, there’s a lot of that nowadays.

One wants to reply, “Perhaps true, Dame Agatha, but depressing.” On the bright side, it is always fun to watch Poirot at work, and so I would say Hallowe’en Party is worthwhile reading for fans of the world’s greatest fictional detective.

The Mystery of the Blue Train by Agatha Christie
Grade: B

I think I remember this book the least of all my recent reads. Basically, a woman is murdered on a train. Another young woman, perhaps the last person to see the victim alive, becomes a sort of assistant to Hercule Poirot as he investigates the murder. Poirot is always interesting and the young lady is a likable character. As for the rest of the elements of the story, I don’t really recall, and so B seems the safest grade to give, meaning that the book is not bad but neither is it exceptionally good.

Evil Under the Sun by Agatha Christie
Grade: A+

I cannot separate this book from my memories of the movie, which I watched and enjoyed so many times on HBO as a child, so it’s possible that I’ve given the book an inflated grade. C’est la vie. In this story, murder follows Poirot on vacation. The victim is one of his fellow vacationers, a dangerously beautiful former actress, “perfect as a statue” but also, in the words of another woman, the “personification of evil.” Hardly anyone is sorry to see her go, but still the guilty party must be found, and Poirot is just the man for the job.

Death on the Nile by Agatha Christie
Grade: A

I have always been fascinated by Egypt, so this mystery set on a Nile River cruise is a favorite of mine.

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Man of Leisure

I’m not sure I agree with M. Poirot on this one.

I am, alas, a man of leisure. . . . I have made the economies in my time and I have now the means to enjoy a life of idleness. . . . I assure you, it is not as gay as it sounds. . . . How true is the saying that man was forced to invent work in order to escape the strain of having to think.

from Death on the Nile

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One Stormy Night

It was a dark and stormy night…

Well, it was dark (near midnight), and according to the weathermen the snow was supposed to start falling at any moment. We were expecting more than a foot of snow. We had just finished our midnight snack and were about to head to bed. Then I had the strangest sensation. I turned to my husband and said, “Oh, crap.” I don’t know how he knew, but he said, “Your water?”

Yes, my water had broken, something I hadn’t anticipated because it only happens in about 10% of pregnancies. The baby wasn’t due for another two weeks. I wasn’t even having contractions. But we weren’t surprised, because we had been telling everyone that we thought the baby would be born the day of the storm. Our reasoning was simple: we are difficult people, therefore we expect our daughter to be difficult, and how could she cause more inconvenience than by arriving well before her due date and in the middle of a huge storm?

We called the doctor’s office and they said there was no reason for us to rush to the hospital, so we didn’t. We even tried to sleep for a little while, but the knowledge that snow was piling up outside made relaxation nearly impossible. We soon got up, packed up the car, dropped off Marshall at my sister-in-law’s house, then headed to the hospital. The snow was thick on the ground by then. Our progress was excruciatingly slow. There was some sliding and some almost-getting-stuck, but three-and-a-half hours after we left our house, we finally arrived at the hospital.

They admitted me quickly and wheeled me into the delivery room. My contractions took a while to get going, but once they did, OUCH! I could have had an epidural, but the idea of something stuck into my spine bothered me more than the idea of pain. The pain was worse than I remembered from Marshall’s birth, though, and as embarrassing as it is to say, I cried like a baby. I even told my husband that I wanted to go home.

After laboring for a seeming eternity, they finally told me I could push. So I pushed and I pushed, then suddenly someone yelled, “Cord!” Everyone in the delivery room sprang into action. They pulled me up and told me to push as hard as I could and not to stop. I couldn’t see what was happening, but my husband told me later that the doctor actually reached inside me to pull the baby out.

The moment Livia was born, all of my pain went away. It was as if someone had flipped a switch in my body. It was such a beautiful feeling, but I didn’t have a chance to enjoy it, because the wet, squirming baby that they dropped on my belly was purple.

I asked the nurses over and over again, “What happened? Is she OK? Why is she purple? Is something wrong?” They said that nothing had happened and nothing was wrong, but I didn’t believe them. Were they trying to cover something up? Were they trying to spare me some awful truth until I had a chance to recuperate?

They took the baby away so they could clean her up and run their tests, and when they gave her back she was still purple. To me, it seemed as though the worst might have happened. The nurses’ insistence that everything was OK made me worry even more. What if the baby were brain damaged?

It wasn’t until the next day when our pediatrician visited that we finally got an explanation. She said that sometimes the cord comes out with the baby. If the cord gets pinched, the baby may not get enough oxygen, and that can cause brain damage if it goes on for very long. During the delivery, if the doctors and nurses spot the cord, they’re supposed to expedite the delivery, which they did. But whenever there is a “rapid descent,” the baby is subjected to more pressure. Bruising can occur. That’s why our Livia was purple. She was one big bruise!

The pediatrician said that she had reviewed Livia’s chart, that her Apgar scores had been excellent, and there was no reason to be concerned. Still, it took me days to shake the worry. I wish the delivery-room nurses had just told us what had happened, but I suppose in their minds there was nothing to tell. They had done what they were supposed to do. Disaster had been averted. All was well.

A month later, Livia still has some bruising in her eyes. Otherwise her color is normal. She eats, she poops, she cries, just as a baby should. When she’s awake, she takes an interest in her surroundings. She looks at me. Sometimes she even smiles. I smile back.

All is well.

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Baths

I have been thinking lately how much I miss taking baths. I suppose I could wax poetic about the bath, but I’d rather give you Poirot’s silly definition. Here it is.

A bath! The receptacle of porcelain, one turns the taps and fills it, one gets in, one gets out and ghoosh—ghoosh—ghoosh, the water goes down the waste pipe!

from Evil Under the Sun

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Don’t Think Pink!

There really should be more variation in the colors and designs of baby girl clothes. Those pink, cutesy outfits don’t just push girls toward princesshood, which is bad enough, but they also have the potential to break up my marriage. Like I don’t already have enough trouble communicating with my husband sometimes, just imagine a scenario in which I need to change Livia’s outfit and my husband is standing next to the dresser…

I’d say, “Could you grab the pink thing for me?”

He’d look in the drawer and say, “Which one? They’re all pink.”

So I’d say, “The one that’s got the white on it.”

With a hint of irritation in his voice, he’d say, “Which one? Half of them have white.”

Slightly exasperated, I’d attempt to clarify. “The one with the flowers!”

Totally bewildered now, he’d have rummaged through the entire drawer and tossed everything around, and to Hell with folding. “Um, a lot of these have flowers.”

“The one with the polka dots!” I’d shout.

“Honey, they’ve ALL got polka dots!”

At which point I’d have no choice but to stomp over and push him aside, saying, “Fine! I’ll get it myself!”

And it would all just go downhill from there.

Meanwhile, Marshall has only one off-white elephant shirt, only one black Hot Wheels shirt, only one brown-and-grey “Rock Star” shirt, and so forth.

Everyone told me that boys were easier. Maybe they were right.

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Slow and Steady Wins the Race

My husband says, “You only have one speed: slow!” and “Your problem is that you don’t know how to hustle.”

He’s right. I don’t hustle. But he’s wrong, because though my process is slow, it is also steady. Slow and Steady dehoarded my office, packed up countless boxes and bags of Good Will donations, and organized my remaining possessions. Slow and Steady conquered Laundry Mountain, clearing away piles from the bedroom and the mud room. Slow and Steady has done a lot for this family. It may not be Fast and Flashy, but it works for me.

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Google Me Silly

Every once in a while, silly though it is, you have to google your own name to see what comes up. I just did, and as always, the list of results gives me mixed emotions.

  • I’m glad to see that I’ve got my Facebook profile locked down well enough that it doesn’t show up in the list.
  • I’m irritated to see that one of those people-searching services lists my age, all four cities in which I’ve lived, and the names of both of my parents (though they made a mistake in my mother’s name). How the heck did they get all that info? And who the heck are they selling it to?
  • And I’m sad to see that I’m otherwise totally invisible. It shouldn’t make me sad, especially since I deliberately made this blog anonymous, but I can’t help wishing I’d done something that mattered enough for more people to know my name. Is that terribly egotistical?
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Reading the Future

It’s a shame we are not better at seeing these shadows of which Poirot speaks.

There are things that are not yet, but which cast their shadow before.

from The Mystery of the Blue Train

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