I need to finish writing about the books of 2009 so I can move on to the books of 2010 (of which there are already 3!). So here’s another 2009er.
Death in Zanzibar by M.M. Kaye
Grade: F
The main character, Dany, is traveling to Zanzibar. She’s very excited about the trip but has a scary dream (ooh–subtle use of foreshadowing!) and then, when she wakes up…
Dany shivered again. A shiver of pure delight that ended unexpectedly in a quiver of unease: a sense of disquiet so sharply urgent that she turned quickly, half expecting to find someone standing behind her. But nothing moved except the curtains billowing idly in the dawn wind, and of course there was no one there. And no one watching her! It was only the effect of that silly dream about people following her…
This scene takes place at a hotel in London, where she next accidentally locks herself out of her room while wearing only a diaphanous nightgown. She is “rescued” by the guy staying in the room across the hall. His name is Lash (short for Lashmer). He’s only just returned from a night out on the town and he’s still completely plastered. When Dany gets back into her room, she finds that someone has stolen her passport and planted a gun among her things. Then she reads the newspaper. Someone she saw yesterday is now dead of a gunshot wound and a young lady matching Dany’s description is wanted by the police for questioning. Geez. This is going to put a crimp in her plans.
“No!” said Dany on a sob. “Oh no! I can’t stay here. I won’t. I will go to Zanzibar. They shan’t stop me.”
So Dany again asks for help from the man across the hall. Lash, who is also traveling to Zanzibar, suggests that she impersonate his secretary all the way there, and even gives her his secretary’s passport to use. And Dany agrees to this scheme, because Dany is such an innocent that she doesn’t recognize drunkenness when she sees it and doesn’t realize how crazy and illegal such a course of action is.
Talk about preposterous. But it gets worse.
I must be going out of my mind! thought Dany, astounded at herself. And anyway, he’s in love with that Gordon woman, and he’s been drinking himself silly because she threw him over. He doesn’t care one bit what happens to me. All he wants to do is get rid of me as soon as possible. He’s selfish and stupid and spoiled and egotistical, and he drinks. And drinks!
But it was no use. She could not even feel indignant about it, and she still wanted to stroke his hair and comfort him. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, thought Dany. I suppose this is it!
By “it” our dear Dany means love. She has fallen in love with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Drunken.
And she hasn’t even gotten to Zanzibar yet!
What happens next? I assume she gets to Zanzibar, has a couple of close brushes with death, solves the mystery, and then snuggles up with her new honey, Lash. But I don’t know because I didn’t finish the book.
Originally, I wasn’t even going to mention Death in Zanzibar let alone grade it, but then I changed my mind. If it turned me off that much, doesn’t that mean it failed? And isn’t that what the grade “F” is for?
Typically I give a book three chances to win me over. I call it my “three strikes and you’re out” rule. It’s a good rule for me because sometimes I just can’t get into a particular book at a particular time. Both Bronte’s Jane Eyre and Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy got two strikes each. Now they are both favorites and I’m glad I gave them another try. So why not give Death in Zanzibar three tries? Because it’s not a classic and it belongs to a genre that’s known to contain a lot of garbage. And look at the parts I quoted. Doesn’t it look like garbage?
P.S. Sorry, M.M. Kaye, for calling your book garbage. I still love some of your other books.