Library Love

Posted on 05/12/2007 by chick

It’s time for the next leg of the Vonnegut marathon! I have never read The Sirens of Titan before, but it’s supposed to be a great book and I’m really looking forward to it. I considered buying a copy, but some quick online shopping killed that impulse almost immediately. Here’s why.

Spotty old paperback: roughly $6.00 (shipping incl.)
New paperback: about $10.00-15.00, depending on shipping and taxes
Used hardcover: over $50.00 (shipping incl.), may be ex-library or book club edition

A little pricey, don’t you think? I feel like the George Foreman of book buying—“I’m not going to pay a lot for this novel!” Sorry, Booksellers, but spotty old paperbacks should cost $1.00 or less, new paperbacks are rarely made well enough to be worth $10.00, and anything more than $20.00 for a used hardcover is bordering on silly, unless it’s signed, collectible, and/or a first edition.

Now I’m going to show my library some more love by letting them get this book for me. I love my library!

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Vegewannabe

Posted on 05/12/2007 by chick

Do you think that “vegewannabe” sounds like someone who aspires to be a vegetarian or someone who aspires to be a vegetable?

I ask because I need a word that describes my current dietary philosophy. People ask, “Are you a vegetarian?” That’s a fair question and one that should be answerable with either “yes” or “no.” But for me the answer is more complex.

I tried vegetarianism for over a year. It was difficult and time-consuming. My family did not accept it. In the end, I made so many exceptions for eating meat that I stopped calling myself a vegetarian. These days, I eat everything except beef, but I still aspire to be a vegetarian. I still believe that fruits, veggies, and grains are generally healthier than beef, chicken, and pork. I still believe that the meat industry mistreats the animals and that the result is a corrupted food supply.

So I try to eat vegetarian foods as often as possible, but I won’t say no to a ham sandwich. It’s a confusing compromise, even to me. I went to the grocery store last night and had no idea what to buy.

Until I figure this out, I need a word and vegewannabe will do. There’s something pejorative about the “wannabe” part, and maybe that will help push me to a resolution. And if people think that the word means I aspire to be a vegetable, that’s ok. On some days they might not be wrong.

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Ixnay on the Atalogscay

Posted on 05/10/2007 by chick

I’ve been trying to get off the mailing list of a particular catalog company for a long time. I called them again just before I moved, hoping that I might spare the new resident the flood of paper-wasting catalogs. As for myself, I thought that I would be safe after I moved. I was wrong. Three catalogs arrived at my new address today. I can’t believe how quickly they tracked me down.

What does it take to be permanently removed from their list? Apparently, you have to be dead, or as they say in catalog lingo, nixie. Nancy, the customer service rep to whom I spoke, promised that I would be nixie to them from now on.

It’s a little unsettling to be dead, even in the mailing-list sense, and I hope that news of my untimely death doesn’t spread as far as, say, my credit report. I guess only time will tell if I’ll be given the rarest of rare opportunities—the chance to say with utter seriousness, “Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.”

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No Authority Yet (or Ever?)

Posted on 05/08/2007 by chick

According to a website that ranks blogs, my ranking on Sunday was 3,173,879. I was ok with that. Considering how many blogs there are and that I haven’t told anyone that mine exists, it’s not as bad as it sounds. My ranking today is 3,193,324. What!?!? Either I made a mistake writing down the number and my rank is up by 555 (go Chick!) or I lost 19,445 points over the course of two days (crap!). Either way, they say I have no authority yet. So don’t listen to anything I say. I can’t be trusted.

Someday I’d like to get some authority. Magic 8 Ball, will I ever attain a ranking of less than 1,000,000? “Signs point to yes.” Thanks! One more question—will I have to get naked to achieve that rank? “Yes definitely.”

Figures.

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Brave New Word

Posted on 05/08/2007 by chick

It’s brown.
No, it’s green.
Brown!
Green!
Are you blind? It’s brown!
No, damn you, it’s green!

Have you ever had this argument? Well, here’s a way to settle the issue and bring a little bit of peace to the world. Whenever you come across something that is brownish-green or greenish-brown, the word you should use to describe it is “breen.” It sounds like a pretend word, but it’s not. It’s in the dictionary.

So why are brown and green so special that they get their own combo word? The other colors are just as worthy and there are all sorts of ways to combine them. Imagine brellow clouds with orink edges in a purlue sky. Lovely.

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Tomato II

Posted on 05/06/2007 by chick

Or is that “Don’t cry, Tomato Baby”?

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Don’t Cry Tomato, Baby!

Posted on 05/06/2007 by chick

I was just listening to Metallica’s cover of the song “Die, Die My Darling.” I was thinking it was kind of catchy, same as I do every time I hear it, but I was again puzzled by this line: “Don’t cry tomato, Baby.” What does it mean? Is “tomato” code for something?

Then I really thought about it. Duh.

“Don’t cry to me, Oh Baby.”

Duh.

Well, I’m going to hold on to that one. The next time someone starts whining, you know what I’m going to say? Don’t cry tomato, baby! Let ’em puzzle that out.

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On a Sink

Posted on 05/06/2007 by chick

O, beautiful sink of stainless steel!
How shiny! How deep! How smooth you feel!
Over the years, the washing of pans
Will scratch you up and dry my hands.
You’ll be dull and I’ll be worn.
I’ll curse the day that you were born.
But for this single moment in time
There’s simply nothing more sublime.

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Player Piano: One Down, Thirteen to Go

Posted on 05/06/2007 by chick

I finished Player Piano last night. Not bad for a first novel. It’s not quite the Vonnegut of Slaughterhouse-Five or Cat’s Cradle, but there are glimpses of the author he would become. I found it easy to identify with the main character, a man who was dissatisfied with his life and who yearned for a simpler existence.

One of my favorite passages: “Almost nobody’s competent. . . . It’s enough to make you cry to see how bad most people are at their jobs. If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you’re a one-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind.”

Next up in the Vonnegut marathon is The Sirens of Titan, published seven years later. It will be interesting to see what those intervening years did for him as an author. There’s still time to catch up if you haven’t read Player Piano yet. I don’t expect to start the new book for at least a week or two.

One down, thirteen to go! We’re off to a good start.

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Player Piano: Don’t Forget Bing!

Posted on 05/06/2007 by chick

I wanted to hear “Alexander’s Ragtime Band” but it didn’t occur to me to check my Bing Crosby collection. Of course he sang it! And now that I’ve listened to it, I understand why Vonnegut specifically chose that song. First the lyrics say,

“They can play a bugle call like you never heard before,
So natural that you want to go to war.”

And then,

“Come on along, come on along.
Let me take you by the hand
Up to the man, up to the man
Who’s the leader of the band.”

I don’t want to spoil the book for my faithful reader by explaining the relevance, but Vonnegut must have expected readers to be familiar with the song, so it won’t hurt you to know the lyrics.

Thanks, Bing, for singing the song for me. I won’t forget you again! And thanks also to Irving Berlin, who wrote the song way back in 1911.

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